After asking 100 people what they wish their parents had done differently, 8 surprising answers revealed what children really need to feel loved and understood.
No one has a perfect upbringing.
Even the most loving parents make mistakes because parenting doesn’t come with a manual.
It’s a lifelong experiment in patience, love, and doing the best you can with what you know.
Still, when I asked 100 people what they wish their parents had done differently, I expected to hear the usual answers about stricter rules or fewer arguments.
But what I got instead was far more emotional.
Most people didn’t want perfection. They wanted connection. They wanted understanding.
Here are the eight most common answers that came up, and what they reveal about what children truly need to thrive.
1. “I wish they had listened more.”
This was by far the most common answer.
People didn’t necessarily want their parents to agree with them; they just wanted to feel heard.
Listening is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to build trust. When parents dismiss feelings or interrupt with advice, kids learn to hide their emotions instead of expressing them.
As one person told me, “I didn’t need my parents to fix everything. I just needed them to sit with me and say, I understand.”
Active listening doesn’t require effort, only presence. It’s a habit every generation can still learn.
2. “I wish they had said sorry.”
It’s easy to forget that children remember moments of tension just as vividly as parents do.
Several people shared how powerful it would have been to hear a genuine apology after harsh words or unfair treatment.
When parents refuse to apologize, it sends the message that authority is more important than accountability. But when they do, it models emotional intelligence and humility.
One person told me, “The first time my mum said sorry, it changed everything between us.”
A simple apology can repair years of distance because it tells your child they matter more than your pride.
3. “I wish they had shown affection.”
Many people said their parents provided for them but rarely showed warmth or physical affection.
Hugs, kind words, and simple gestures of love may sound small, but they’re the building blocks of emotional security.
Several shared that they grew up craving touch or reassurance, only realizing as adults how much it affected their confidence in relationships.
Affection doesn’t make children weak. It helps them feel safe enough to face the world with strength.
Love needs to be spoken and shown, not just assumed.
4. “I wish they had let me be myself.”
This one came up again and again.
People wished their parents had encouraged individuality instead of pushing expectations.
Many said they felt pressure to fit into certain careers, beliefs, or lifestyles to gain approval. It left them feeling disconnected from who they really were.
As one person explained, “I wanted them to love who I was, not who they wanted me to be.”
Letting children express themselves doesn’t mean losing control. It means teaching them that self-acceptance and authenticity are worth more than perfection.
5. “I wish they had talked more about emotions.”
So many people said they grew up in homes where emotions were either ignored or labeled as weakness.
Parents often focused on practical needs like grades and chores, forgetting that emotional education is just as vital.
Learning to name and understand feelings creates resilience. Avoiding emotions only breeds confusion and anxiety later on.
Someone told me, “I didn’t know what to do with sadness or anger because we never talked about it.”
Being open about emotions teaches kids that feeling deeply isn’t wrong. It’s human.
6. “I wish they had focused less on achievements.”
For many, childhood was a constant race to prove themselves.
They were praised for grades, trophies, or achievements, but not for kindness, creativity, or effort.
As adults, they confessed to struggling with burnout and self-worth because they learned to equate love with performance.
Validation tied to success can create lifelong anxiety. Children thrive when they know they are valued simply for existing, not for what they achieve.
True encouragement celebrates effort, not just outcome.
7. “I wish they had taught me more about real life.”
Many people wished their parents had talked more about practical things like money, boundaries, and coping with stress.
They felt prepared academically but not emotionally or financially for adulthood.
One person said, “I knew how to solve equations but not how to handle bills or difficult people.”
These conversations might seem uncomfortable, but they equip children with skills that last a lifetime.
Preparing kids for reality is a deeper form of love than protecting them from it.
8. “I wish they had spent more quality time with me.”
Almost everyone mentioned time.
Not gifts, not trips, not things. Just time.
People remembered the small moments the most: family dinners, bedtime talks, helping with homework, or watching a movie together.
Presence communicates love louder than words ever could.
As one person beautifully said, “I didn’t want them to buy me more. I wanted them to be around more.”
When children feel seen and prioritized, they grow up believing they are worthy of love.
Final thoughts
Parents do the best they can with the tools they have. Most of them act from love, even if it doesn’t always show in the way children need.
But what this list proves is that love alone isn’t enough. It has to be expressed through listening, presence, vulnerability, and compassion.
The good news is that it’s never too late. Whether you’re a parent, a child, or somewhere in between, healing begins with awareness.
As Rudá Iandê writes in his book Laughing in the Face of Chaos, “Embracing yourself isn't just a gift to you, it's the foundation for how you meet and move through the world.”
Understanding our parents helps us understand ourselves.
And breaking old patterns is how we build a more emotionally aware generation for the future.
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