From “Back in my day” to “It could be worse,” these eight phrases often reveal a lack of empathy, even when boomers don’t mean to sound cold.
Empathy is a skill that helps us connect, understand, and support the people around us.
But not everyone expresses it naturally—especially across different generations.
Boomers were raised in a time when toughness, resilience, and “pushing through” were often seen as strengths.
While these values helped them navigate challenges, they can sometimes make their words come across as distant or even dismissive.
Most of the time, these phrases aren’t meant to hurt anyone.
They’re simply habits, rooted in a different cultural context.
Still, to younger ears, they can sound cold, detached, or lacking in understanding.
Here are eight common phrases boomers use that often reveal a struggle with empathy—even when their intentions are good.
1. “Back in my day…”
This phrase often starts as a way to share wisdom or perspective.
But for someone who’s struggling, it can feel like their experience is being minimized.
When a boomer says, “Back in my day…” it usually leads to a story about how things were harder in the past or how they handled challenges differently.
While they might mean to inspire resilience, it often comes across as dismissive.
The underlying message can feel like, Your problem isn’t valid because I had it worse.
Instead of fostering connection, it creates distance.
Younger generations usually just want to feel heard, not compared.
Even well-meaning nostalgia can sound cold if it’s not paired with understanding.
2. “You just need to toughen up”
Boomers often grew up in environments where emotional expression was discouraged.
Strength was defined by stoicism and perseverance.
When they say, “You just need to toughen up,” they may think they’re offering encouragement.
But to the listener, it often feels like a rejection of their emotions.
It sends the message that struggling is a weakness rather than a natural part of being human.
Instead of comfort, the person hears, Your feelings are inconvenient.
This phrase can shut down important conversations before they even begin.
What may have been meant as advice ends up sounding cold and uncaring.
3. “It could be worse”
This phrase is technically true—almost anything could be worse.
But that truth rarely brings comfort to someone who’s hurting.
When a boomer says this, they might be trying to help someone gain perspective.
However, it often feels like they’re dismissing the person’s current pain or frustration.
The listener hears, Your feelings don’t matter because someone else has it harder.
While perspective is valuable, timing matters.
Acknowledging someone’s emotions first is what builds empathy.
Jumping straight to “It could be worse” can make you seem detached and cold.
4. “We all have problems”
This statement often comes from a place of frustration rather than malice.
To a boomer, it’s a reminder that everyone faces challenges.
But to someone seeking comfort, it can feel like their struggles are being minimized.
The phrase shuts down vulnerability by lumping everyone’s pain into the same box.
Instead of feeling supported, the person feels unseen and unheard.
It sends a subtle message: Stop talking about it, because it’s nothing special.
While boomers may think they’re promoting resilience, they’re actually discouraging openness.
Empathy thrives when each person’s experience is acknowledged individually.
5. “That’s life”
Life is full of challenges, and boomers often learned to accept them without complaint.
Saying, “That’s life,” is their way of expressing realism.
But to someone sharing a personal struggle, it can come across as cold and dismissive.
This phrase skips over compassion and jumps straight to resignation.
The listener may feel like they’re being told to simply “get over it.”
While stoicism can be admirable, it shouldn’t replace understanding.
Acknowledging the pain before offering perspective makes all the difference.
Without that step, “That’s life” sounds like a closed door instead of an open hand.
6. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
To the person speaking, this phrase might feel like a genuine question.
But to the listener, it can feel like invalidation wrapped in confusion.
Boomers who say this often believe they’re encouraging others to keep things in perspective.
However, it usually has the opposite effect.
The statement implies that the listener is overreacting or being unreasonable.
This can cause shame, anger, or even deeper emotional withdrawal.
Instead of promoting calm, it intensifies the conflict.
Empathy starts with curiosity, not criticism.
7. “When I was your age…”
This phrase often comes from a desire to connect, but it can easily miss the mark.
Boomers use it to draw comparisons between their past struggles and someone else’s current ones.
The problem is that times have changed dramatically.
What was true decades ago may not apply now.
When someone hears, “When I was your age…” they often feel misunderstood rather than supported.
It can feel like a subtle way of saying, Your challenges don’t matter because mine were harder.
While shared stories can be valuable, they need to be framed with empathy and context.
Otherwise, the message feels competitive rather than compassionate.
8. “You’ll understand when you’re older”
This phrase is often used to end a conversation rather than deepen it.
Boomers may think they’re offering wisdom, but it can come across as patronizing.
It suggests that the listener’s current feelings or perspectives aren’t valid simply because of their age.
This creates a power imbalance where one person’s experience is automatically considered more important.
The listener is left feeling dismissed and shut out of meaningful dialogue.
While there’s truth in gaining perspective with age, understanding doesn’t have to be postponed.
Conversations built on mutual respect can bridge generational gaps far better than condescension.
Without that respect, this phrase feels like a wall rather than a bridge.
Final thoughts: words that build bridges, not walls
Boomers often use these phrases with good intentions, unaware of how they sound to others.
Their goal is usually to help, comfort, or share perspective.
But without empathy, these words can feel cold and alienating.
The key is to balance honesty with compassion.
Listening first and validating someone’s experience creates connection before advice is given.
Generational differences don’t have to be barriers.
With awareness and empathy, conversations can become bridges instead of battlegrounds.
If You Were a Healing Herb, Which Would You Be?
Each herb holds a unique kind of magic — soothing, awakening, grounding, or clarifying.
This 9-question quiz reveals the healing plant that mirrors your energy right now and what it says about your natural rhythm.
✨ Instant results. Deeply insightful.
