If you notice these 9 behaviors at a restaurant, you're dining with someone who lacks basic respect

Remember that scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts doesn't know which fork to use?

While that's about etiquette, what I'm talking about today runs deeper.

During my decade in luxury hospitality, I've served everyone from tech moguls to trust fund kids. But here's what surprised me: the wealthiest guests weren't always the rudest. Some of the worst behavior came from regular folks trying to prove something.

I once watched a middle manager berate a young server for bringing sparkling water instead of still. The server apologized three times, but this guy kept going, loud enough for half the restaurant to hear. His date looked mortified. The kicker? He'd actually asked for sparkling.

After years of watching people reveal their true colors over appetizers and entrees, I've noticed patterns. These behaviors don't just ruin dinner; they expose a fundamental lack of respect for others.

If you spot these nine behaviors at a restaurant, you're dining with someone who probably treats everyone in their life as disposable.

1. They snap their fingers at servers

This one makes my blood boil.

I've seen grown adults snap their fingers, whistle, or wave frantically like they're hailing a cab in Times Square. News flash: servers aren't dogs. They're professionals juggling multiple tables, orders, and probably dealing with kitchen chaos you can't even imagine.

When I worked at a high-end resort, we had a guest who'd literally snap his fingers every time he wanted something. Water refill? Snap. Extra napkin? Snap. The thing is, we noticed everything before he even asked. We were just giving him space to enjoy his meal.

People who do this think they're being efficient. They're actually broadcasting their inability to see service staff as human beings. A simple eye contact and slight hand raise works perfectly. Or here's a wild idea: use your words.

2. They treat the menu like a creative writing exercise

Look, I get it. You have preferences. Maybe you're allergic to shellfish or hate cilantro. That's totally fine.

But there's a difference between reasonable modifications and completely rewriting dishes. I'm talking about people who order the salmon but want it prepared like the chicken, with the sauce from the pasta, and the sides from the steak. At that point, just go to a different restaurant.

Chefs design dishes for a reason. The flavors work together. The cooking methods complement each other. When someone dismantles that completely, they're basically saying they know better than the professional who spent years perfecting their craft.

I once served a woman who ordered a Caesar salad with no romaine, no parmesan, no croutons, and no dressing. She wanted iceberg lettuce with ranch. That's... not a Caesar salad. That's barely even a salad.

3. They make servers stand there while they slowly decide

We've all been indecisive at restaurants. But keeping a server hostage while you debate between the fish and the chicken for five minutes? That's disrespectful.

Servers have other tables. They're working against the clock. Every second they spend watching you flip through the menu for the third time is time they could be helping other guests or picking up orders from the kitchen.

Here's what respectful people do: they tell the server they need a few more minutes. Revolutionary, right? The server can check on other tables and circle back. Everyone wins.

4. They leave their phone volume on and take calls at the table

Nothing says "I don't care about anyone here" quite like conducting a loud business call while everyone tries to enjoy their meal.

I've watched entire dining rooms turn to stare at someone shouting into their phone about quarterly reports. Meanwhile, their dining companion sits there looking like they want to disappear into their soup.

Taking an urgent call? Step outside. Quick text? Fine. But if you're having full conversations at the table, you're telling everyone that their experience doesn't matter. You're also telling your dining companion they're not worth your attention.

5. They complain about everything to get discounts

There's a special place in restaurant hell for people who manufacture complaints to score free stuff.

I knew this game well. The steak that's "overcooked" after they've eaten three-quarters of it. The wine that "tastes off" after they've finished the glass. The mysterious hair that appears after half the plate is gone.

Real problems happen in restaurants. Mistakes get made. Good restaurants will always make it right. But when someone complains about literally everything, they're not a discerning diner. They're a con artist in casual wear.

These people think they're clever. They're actually transparent. And they're definitely getting remembered by staff for all the wrong reasons.

6. They let their kids run wild

Kids will be kids. I get that. But there's a difference between a child having a moment and parents who treat restaurants like playgrounds.

I've seen children running between tables while servers carried hot plates. I've watched kids throw food while parents scrolled through Instagram. Once, a child literally climbed onto another table while the parents laughed.

Your kid doesn't have to be perfect. But they do need basic supervision. Other diners didn't sign up to dodge flying crayons during their anniversary dinner. Servers shouldn't have to play dodgeball with trays of food because your child is doing laps around the dining room.

7. They're rude about wait times even when the place is clearly packed

You can see the restaurant is slammed. Every table is full. Servers are practically running. The host quoted you a 45-minute wait, and you agreed.

Yet here they are, marching up to the host stand every five minutes demanding to know why they haven't been seated. They make scenes. They claim they've been waiting longer than they have. They demand to speak to managers.

These people think the rules don't apply to them. They believe their time is more valuable than everyone else's. Watching them operate is like watching a masterclass in entitlement.

8. They make inappropriate comments to staff

This one's particularly gross. The creepy comments about a server's appearance. The racist "jokes" about the busser's accent. The sexist remarks disguised as compliments.

When I worked in fine dining, we had a regular who'd always comment on the female servers' looks. He thought he was charming. He was actually the reason several servers would trade tables to avoid him.

People who do this aren't just disrespectful. They're creating a hostile work environment for people who can't easily escape. That server can't just walk away. They need this job. And you're making their workplace feel unsafe.

9. They're terrible tippers who think they're generous

Finally, we have the people who leave 10% and genuinely believe they're good tippers.

They'll praise the service. They'll say everything was perfect. Then they'll leave a tip that doesn't even cover the server's tip-out to support staff. Even worse? They'll make a big show of it, like they're doing the server a favor.

In the U.S., servers often make below minimum wage before tips. That's the system, whether we like it or not. When someone undertips after good service, they're essentially saying that server's time and effort are worth less than minimum wage.

The real kicker is when they come back regularly, expecting the same great service after establishing themselves as terrible tippers. Good luck with that.

Final thoughts

Restaurants are where people's true character comes out. Maybe it's the combination of hunger, waiting, and being served that strips away the polite veneer.

After years in hospitality, I learned to read people quickly. The guy who remembers his server's name? He probably treats everyone in his life with respect. The woman who says please and thank you? She likely extends that courtesy everywhere.

On the flip side, someone who treats restaurant staff like furniture probably isn't great to their coworkers, friends, or partners either. These behaviors aren't isolated incidents. They're symptoms of a bigger problem: the inability to see others as equals deserving of basic human dignity.

Next time you're out to dinner, pay attention. How your companion treats the staff might tell you everything you need to know about who they really are.