7 conversation habits people over 70 should drop if they want younger generations to actually listen

I've watched countless conversations between older guests and younger staff die in real time.

Not because of generational differences or incompatible values. Because the older person was using conversation habits that guaranteed nobody under 50 would actually listen.

Meanwhile, guests like Margaret, that 76 year old I knew, could hold the attention of people in their 20s for hours. She had wisdom and experience to share, same as the others. But she knew how to share it in ways that people actually wanted to hear.

The difference wasn't what they said. It was how they said it.

After years observing these dynamics in hospitality and beyond, I've identified specific conversation habits that make younger people mentally check out. Some older people do all of them. Others do none. The ones who connect across generations have dropped these habits entirely.

Here are seven conversation patterns that guarantee younger people will stop listening, no matter how valuable your actual message is.

1) Starting every story with "Back in my day"

This phrase is an instant conversation killer.

The moment you say "back in my day," you've signaled that you're about to compare their experience unfavorably to yours. They know a lecture is coming about how much harder/better/different things used to be.

Young people tune out immediately. Not because they don't care about history or context. Because that phrase has been used to dismiss their reality so many times that it's become white noise.

I watched this constantly at resorts. Older guests would start with "back in my day" and you could see younger staff's eyes glaze over. They'd nod politely while thinking about literally anything else.

Margaret never used that phrase. When she shared stories from her past, she just told them as stories. No framing device that positioned her experience as superior. Just interesting things that happened. People listened.

If you have a story worth telling, tell it. Don't preface it with a phrase that tells people you're about to judge their generation.

2) Complaining about technology they refuse to learn

Nothing makes younger people tune out faster than complaints about technology from someone who won't even try to learn it.

"I don't understand all this texting." "Why does everything have to be on a computer?" "Back when we just talked to people face to face."

You're allowed to not love technology. But complaining about it while refusing to learn basic functions makes you seem willfully ignorant. And young people don't have patience for that.

During my Bangkok years, I knew expats in their 70s who learned to use smartphones and apps. Others refused and complained constantly. Guess which ones younger people actually wanted to talk to?

Technology is how younger generations communicate and navigate the world. Dismissing it dismisses a fundamental part of their reality. They'll stop including you in conversations rather than constantly defending their use of tools you've decided are beneath you.

3) Giving unsolicited advice about life choices

Young people will shut down the moment you start telling them what they should do with their lives.

Career advice they didn't ask for. Relationship commentary. Financial lectures. Parenting tips. Any version of "you should" or "if I were you" when they haven't specifically requested guidance.

You might have valuable wisdom. They might actually benefit from hearing it. But unsolicited advice feels like judgment disguised as help, and people resist it instinctively.

I learned this working in professional kitchens. The older cooks who younger staff actually listened to waited to be asked. They'd share knowledge when it was relevant and wanted. They never lectured.

The ones who constantly offered unsolicited advice? Everyone avoided them. Their wisdom went unheard because they couldn't stop pushing it on people who didn't ask.

If you want younger people to listen to your guidance, wait until they ask for it. Or ask permission first. "Would you like to hear what worked for me?" is infinitely better than just launching into advice.

4) Dismissing current challenges as easier than past ones

"You think you have it hard? When I was your age..."

This pattern makes younger people feel unheard and invalidated. You're telling them their struggles don't count because yours were worse.

Housing costs, student debt, job markets, social pressures. These are real challenges, even if they're different from what you faced. Dismissing them doesn't make you seem tough. It makes you seem callous.

Working in luxury hospitality, I noticed the older guests who connected with younger staff validated their experiences before offering perspective. "That sounds really difficult" before "here's how I dealt with something similar."

The ones who immediately jumped to "you don't know how good you have it" lost their audience instantly.

Different doesn't mean easier. Struggles aren't a competition. You can share your experiences without diminishing theirs.

5) Repeating the same stories everyone's heard multiple times

We've all been trapped in conversations with someone telling a story you've heard five times before.

They don't remember they've told you. Or they don't care. Either way, you're stuck listening again while they relive it.

Younger people especially will tune out repeat stories. They're already giving you their limited attention. Using it to tell them things they've already heard feels disrespectful of their time.

I've watched families at dinners where grandparents would launch into familiar stories and you could see grandchildren mentally leave the conversation. Not because the stories were bad. Because they'd heard them too many times.

If you're going to tell stories from your past, tell different ones. You've lived decades. You have thousands of stories. Rotating through the same five makes people stop listening to all of them.

6) Making everything about values and morals

Some older people can't have casual conversation without turning it into a moral lesson.

Younger person mentions they're tired from work. Response: long speech about work ethic and dedication. They mention a relationship issue. Response: lecture about commitment and values.

Not every conversation needs to be a teaching moment about character and morals. Sometimes people just want to talk about their day without it becoming a referendum on their generation's values.

In Austin, I know older people who can have light, engaging conversations about regular life stuff. And others who can't discuss anything without pivoting to what it says about society's moral decline. Guess which ones younger people actually want to spend time with?

You can have strong values without making every interaction about them. Sometimes a conversation about being tired is just a conversation about being tired.

7) Comparing everything to how it used to be

This is different from "back in my day" but equally deadly to conversation.

Younger person mentions a restaurant. You respond with how much better the old one was. They mention a movie. You compare it unfavorably to classics. They share excitement about something new. You diminish it by explaining how the old version was superior.

Constant comparison to the past makes you sound like you think nothing good can happen anymore. Like the world peaked during your youth and everything since has been decline.

That's exhausting to be around. Young people want to share their experiences and enthusiasms without them being immediately measured against your nostalgia.

Margaret never did this. When younger people were excited about something, she engaged with their enthusiasm on its own terms. She didn't need to prove her era was better. That humility made people want to hear about her experiences.

The real issue

These seven habits all stem from the same root problem. They center your experience as the reference point for everything.

Your past becomes the standard. Your struggles become the benchmark. Your values become the measure. Your memories become the comparison.

That's natural. We all see the world through our own experience. But conversation requires making space for other people's realities without constantly filtering them through your own.

The older people who younger generations actually listen to have figured this out. They share their experiences without positioning them as superior. They offer perspective without dismissing current challenges. They tell varied stories without repetition. They engage with what's happening now on its own terms.

They understand that being heard requires first making others feel heard. That wisdom has value when it's shared, not imposed. That connection across generations requires meeting people where they are, not demanding they meet you where you were.

Your age gives you experience and perspective that younger people could benefit from. But they'll never hear it if you're using conversation habits that make them tune out before you get to the valuable parts.

Drop these seven habits, and you might be surprised how much younger people actually want to listen to what you have to say.