Hit reset on your emotions: the simple 5-step method to get calm, clear, and back on track

We’ve all been there.

Your thoughts are racing, your jaw is tight, or you’re replaying the same storylines in your head for the tenth time today. You try to push the feelings down. You try to think your way out of it. But instead of getting calmer, you get more wound up.

Here’s the truth: our brains aren’t built to get rid of emotions on command. They’re built to notice, react, and protect us. The problem is that this protective wiring sometimes backfires — keeping us stuck in worry, tension, or self-criticism long after the actual moment has passed.

That’s why I created RESET — a simple 5-step framework that helps you pause, breathe, and return to what really matters. Think of it as a compass: whenever you feel off-course, you can use RESET to come back to calm, clarity, and values.

Why we get hijacked by our emotions

Let’s start with the brain. When something stressful happens, the amygdala — the part of your brain that scans for threats — fires up. It’s trying to keep you safe. But in doing so, it can hijack the rest of your system.

Your heart rate increases. Muscles tighten. Thoughts start racing. And before long, you’re reacting automatically rather than responding thoughtfully.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman calls this an “amygdala hijack.” In these moments, your logical prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain that makes wise, long-term decisions — goes offline. No wonder we say things we regret, stew in old worries, or spiral into self-doubt.

What we need is a way to interrupt this automatic cycle and bring the prefrontal cortex back online. That’s where mindful pauses, deep breaths, and clear labeling of emotions become powerful tools.

The power of a mindful pause

Research shows that labeling emotions actually reduces their intensity. In one UCLA study, participants who named what they were feeling — for example, saying “anger” instead of just feeling angry — showed less activity in the amygdala and more activity in the brain’s calming centers.

Breathing is equally powerful. Long, slow exhalations activate the parasympathetic nervous system — your body’s natural “rest and digest” mode. It’s a signal of safety, telling your system it’s okay to relax.

And mindfulness — noticing your experience without judgment — helps create space between you and the thought. Instead of being swept away in the mental movie, you can step into the role of observer.

These are the science-backed foundations of my RESET framework.

Introducing RESET

Here’s how it works:

R — Recognize
The first step is simply noticing. Recognize what’s happening in your body, your mind, or your environment. Maybe your chest feels tight, or your thoughts are jumping ahead to a worst-case scenario. Just catch it. Recognition breaks the autopilot.

E — Exhale
Take a slow breath out. Exhale fully, then let the inhale come naturally. This simple act calms your nervous system, creating space before you react. It’s a physical reset button for your body.

S — See clearly
Now, give the experience a name. “This is anxiety.” “This is frustration.” “This is my old perfectionist storyline.” Naming separates you from the feeling — you’re no longer inside it, you’re noticing it.

E — Embrace
Here’s the counterintuitive part: instead of fighting the feeling, allow it to be there. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it or want it to stay. It just means you’re no longer adding the extra layer of resistance that says, I shouldn’t feel this way.

T — Take action
Finally, ask yourself: What small step can I take that aligns with my values? Maybe your value is kindness, so the step is speaking gently to yourself. Maybe your value is health, so the step is going for a walk instead of ruminating. The action doesn’t need to be big — it just needs to move you back toward what matters most.

That’s RESET in action: a tool that combines mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based living in one simple cycle.

Why RESET works (the science)

RESET is more than a clever acronym — it’s grounded in solid research.

• Neuroplasticity: Each time you practice, you’re training your brain to respond differently. Over time, the new pathway (pause → breathe → values) gets stronger than the old one (react → regret).
• Emotional agility: Psychologist Susan David talks about learning to “dance” with your emotions instead of getting hooked by them. RESET gives you the choreography.
• Mind–body connection: Breathwork, naming emotions, and values-based action all have measurable effects on stress hormones, brain activity, and long-term well-being.

In short: RESET works because it helps you meet your emotions with awareness instead of resistance, and then use them as a compass to act with intention.

How to practice RESET daily

Like any habit, the more you practice RESET, the easier it becomes. Here are some simple ways to weave it into your day:

• Morning reset: Before you check your phone, pause and notice how you feel. Recognize, exhale, and set an intention for the day.
• Conversation reset: When you feel irritation rising in a discussion, silently run through the steps before responding.
• Nighttime reset: Instead of letting your thoughts spiral in bed, name what’s present and choose a calming action (journaling, gentle breathwork, or repeating “the day is done, let it be”).
• Micro-resets: Use RESET during tiny moments of stress — waiting in traffic, reading an upsetting email, or catching yourself in self-criticism.

The beauty is that it only takes a minute or two, but it can change the entire course of your day.

Bringing it home

Here’s what I want you to remember:
You don’t have to eliminate emotions. You don’t have to “fix” every thought.

What you can do is meet your experience with awareness, take a breath, and choose a values-aligned step forward. That’s what RESET makes possible.

It’s a small tool with big impact — one you can use anytime, anywhere, to get calm, clear, and back on track.

And if this speaks to you, you’ll love my course Reset Your Life Compass, where RESET is just one of many tools I share to help you realign with your values, create a clear vision, and design the life you want. I

I’m also weaving this into my new program Your Retirement, Your Way: Thriving, Dreaming and Reinventing Life in Your 60s and Beyond. If you’d like to be the first to know when it’s released, subscribe to The Vessel.