The lower middle class didn't have picky eaters. It had survivors. Going vegan as an adult from that background isn't about restriction. It's the first time food has ever been about choice instead of necessity.

Last Sunday morning I stood in the middle of an open-air market here in Singapore, holding a bunch of purple basil in one hand and a bag of fresh jackfruit in the other, and I started crying. Not dramatically — not the kind of crying that draws attention. Just the quiet, hot-faced kind where your eyes fill up and you blink fast and pretend you're squinting at a price tag. Because somewhere between the Thai eggplant and the high-end cashew cheese, it hit me: I was choosing. Not calculating. Not stretching. Not mentally subtracting from a number I already knew was too small. I was standing in a market at sixty-nine years old, picking food because I wanted it, because it aligned with how I want to live — and nobody was going to tell me to put it back.

That might sound like a small thing. If you grew up with a full pantry and parents who asked what you felt like having for dinner, it probably is.

But if you grew up like I did — youngest of four sisters in small-town Pennsylvania, where dinner was whatever could be made from what we had, and your mother's hands were raw from sewing other people's clothes all day — then choosing food based on values instead of survival math is not small. It's seismic.

We Didn't Have Picky Eaters. We Had Survival Protocols.

I need to say this clearly, because I think people misunderstand what it means to grow up lower middle class when it comes to food. We weren't starving. That's the tricky part. We had food on the table every night. My mother made sure of that with the same fierce determination she brought to everything — the woman could make a birthday feel like the most important day in the world with a dollar-store banner and a homemade cake. But we did not have options. We had rotations. Monday was pasta with whatever sauce stretched furthest. Wednesday was some version of beans and rice, though she never called it that — she called it "Tuesday's cousin" or "Daddy's favorite" or some name that made it sound intentional rather than necessary.

Nobody in our house said "I don't like this." That phrase didn't exist. Not because my parents were authoritarian — though they were strict in the quiet, immovable way that lower middle class parents tended to be — but because picky eating is a luxury that requires surplus. You can only turn your nose up at green beans when there's something else in the refrigerator to replace them. When there isn't, you eat the green beans. You eat them without comment. You learn, early, that food is fuel and gratitude, not preference.

Researchers have actually studied this. A 2017 study in the journal Appetite found that food insecurity in childhood fundamentally reshapes a person's relationship with eating — creating patterns of anxiety, hoarding behavior, and an inability to waste food that can persist for decades, regardless of current financial stability. I read that study a few years ago and felt my chest tighten. Because that's me. That's all four of us sisters. That's everyone I grew up with.

We weren't picky. We were surviving. And we were performing gratitude while we did it, because to complain about food when your mother had just worked a ten-hour day hemming someone else's wedding dress would have been a kind of violence none of us could bring ourselves to commit.

The Guilt That Comes With Choosing

Here's what nobody tells you about going vegan when you come from that background: the hardest part isn't giving up meat or dairy. The hardest part is believing you're allowed to have a food philosophy at all.

When I first started shifting toward plant-based eating — slowly, tentatively, in my early sixties — I felt a gnawing guilt I couldn't name. It took me months to understand it. Choosing to exclude entire food groups felt, in some deep and illogical way, like spitting in the face of every meal my mother ever stretched to feed four girls on a seamstress's income. Like I was saying her food wasn't good enough. Like I was performing the very pickiness she never had the luxury to indulge.

If I'm being honest, it also felt like a rich person's hobby. I'd spent decades watching the way grocery receipts quietly revealed the class divide — who bought organic, who bought what was on sale, who read labels versus who read price tags. Veganism, from the outside, looked like it belonged firmly on the organic-label-reading side of that divide. And I didn't feel entitled to stand there.

Research published in the Journal of Consumer Culture has explored exactly this tension — the way ethical food choices are often framed as middle- and upper-class pursuits, which can create a sense of exclusion or impostor syndrome for people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds who adopt them. The study points out that the marketing of plant-based lifestyles frequently centers affluence, aesthetically curated meals, and expensive specialty products, effectively signaling to working-class and lower middle-class people: this isn't for you.

I felt that signal for years. I internalized it. I'd buy the tofu and then feel ridiculous putting it in my cart next to the off-brand dish soap and the generic cereal I still buy out of habit even though I could afford the name brand now. Somewhere along the way, the class you grew up in becomes a voice in your head that never quite shuts up — those irrational fears around money that linger even when you're fine.

Restriction Versus Reclamation

People hear "vegan" and they hear "restriction." What can't you eat. What did you give up. What are you missing.

But when food has never been about your desires — when it's always been about what's available, what's affordable, what stretches, what keeps — then choosing to eat a certain way for the first time in your life isn't restriction. It's the opposite. It's the first time the equation has included you as a variable.

I didn't go vegan because I wanted less. I went vegan because for the first time in my life, I wanted food to mean something beyond survival. I wanted it to reflect care — for my body after two knee replacements, for the animals I'd spent a lifetime not thinking about because I couldn't afford to think about anything beyond the grocery budget, for the planet my great-granddaughter will inherit.

That shift — from food as necessity to food as intention — is profound when you've never experienced it before. It's like discovering you have a voice after sixty-some years of eating whatever was put in front of you and being grateful for it.

The Sunday Bread and What It Means Now

Every Sunday I bake bread. The ritual started years ago, but it's taken on a different weight since I went fully plant-based. I use a simple recipe — flour, water, yeast, salt, a little olive oil. No eggs. No butter. Just the basics, which is funny, because the basics are exactly what I grew up on. The difference is that now I choose the basics. They're not imposed by scarcity. They're chosen with attention.

I host weekly vegan dinners here in Singapore — a tradition I started after my second husband passed and I needed something to pull me out of the grief that had me barely leaving the house for six months. Friends come. Some are vegan, most aren't. Nobody cares. What they care about is the food, the conversation, the fact that someone set a table and made something with her hands.

My mother would have understood that. She set a table every single night, even when what was on it was stretched so thin you could practically see the budget through the casserole. There was a rhythm to those meals — the early dinner hour, the rituals that had nothing to do with hunger and everything to do with holding a family together through the act of sitting down at the same time every day.

I carry that rhythm with me. The difference is that now I get to decide what fills the table.

Unlearning the Apology

The thing I'm still working on — and I say this as someone who went through therapy in her fifties and thought she'd sorted most of her baggage — is the apology. The reflexive need to explain why I'm vegan in a way that minimizes it. "Oh, I just feel better eating this way." "It's nothing extreme." "I'm not one of those vegans."

I catch myself doing it and I think: who am I apologizing to? And the answer, always, is the ghost of the girl who ate whatever was put in front of her and never complained. The girl who learned that having opinions about food was a luxury. That preferences were selfish. That the right thing to do was be grateful and quiet.

A 2020 paper in Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy describes how childhood experiences of scarcity can create what researchers call "internalized deprivation" — a persistent belief that you don't deserve abundance, comfort, or choice, even when material circumstances change. The study found that this pattern is particularly strong around food, because eating is the most basic daily act of self-care, and when self-care itself was a luxury, the body remembers.

My body remembers. It remembers the sound of a can opener on a Tuesday night. It remembers the specific weight of a casserole dish carried to a table with a wobbly leg my father never fixed. It remembers the taste of powdered milk, which none of us liked but all of us drank without a word.

And now my body also remembers the first time I made a cashew cream sauce from scratch and sat down alone at my dining table — the one I've since converted into a watercolor studio half the week — and ate it slowly, deliberately, with absolutely no one to perform gratitude for. Just me, choosing.

Food as Freedom, Finally

I'm not here to tell anyone they need to go vegan. I learned a long time ago — thirty-two years of teaching teenagers will do this to you — that people change when they're ready, not when they're lectured. But I do want to say this to anyone who grew up like I did, who might be circling the idea of plant-based eating but feels like it doesn't belong to them:

It does. It belongs to you precisely because you know what it's like to have no choice. Because you understand the weight of food in a way that people who've always had options simply cannot. Because when you choose to eat with intention — whether that's vegan, vegetarian, or just more mindfully — you are not rejecting where you came from. You are honoring it by finally giving yourself the thing your parents couldn't: the freedom to decide.

My mother didn't have food philosophies. She had four daughters and a sewing machine and a determination that we would never go to bed hungry, and she succeeded. Every single night, she succeeded. That wasn't pickiness or preference. That was love expressed through the only medium available to her.

What I do now — the Sunday bread, the weekly dinners, the purple basil held in a market while tears blur my vision — that's love too. Just a different kind. The kind that finally includes myself.

And if I'm being completely honest, that's the part that still makes me cry. Not the food. Not the choices. But the staggering, bone-deep realization that after nearly seven decades, I'm eating not just to survive — but to live.