8 habits you need to say goodbye to in your 50s and 60s if you want to stay young and vibrant

Last week, I watched two women in their sixties at my local coffee shop. One sat hunched over her phone, complaining loudly about her aching joints, how tired she felt, and how "everything was harder at this age." The other breezed in wearing bright colors, ordered her latte with a laugh about trying something new, and struck up a conversation with a stranger about a hiking trail she'd discovered. Both women were roughly the same age, but they seemed to be living in entirely different worlds.

What separated them? I'd argue it wasn't luck or genetics alone, but the habits they'd chosen to keep or release as they moved through their fifth and sixth decades. After spending time reflecting on my own journey through these years, I've identified eight habits that can quietly steal our vitality if we let them linger too long.

1. Saying yes when you mean no

For decades, I was the queen of yes. Yes to hosting every holiday. Yes to babysitting at the drop of a hat. Yes to committees I had no interest in joining. It took therapy in my fifties to realize that every reluctant yes was actually a no to something I genuinely wanted to do.

Do you find yourself agreeing to things out of obligation rather than desire? Your fifties and sixties are the perfect time to practice what I call selective yes-ing. When someone asks for your time or energy, pause before answering. Ask yourself if this aligns with what brings you joy or fulfillment. If not, a polite decline opens space for activities that actually energize you. The people who matter will understand, and those who don't? Well, that tells you something important too.

2. Treating your body like an inconvenience

Virginia Woolf once wrote, "The body is a house of many windows." In our younger years, we often ignore those windows, assuming they'll always let in the same amount of light. But as we age, some windows might need different treatments to function well.

I learned this lesson during a breast cancer scare at 52. Suddenly, my body wasn't just something that carried me through my days; it was precious, deserving of care and attention. Now I listen when it asks for rest, movement, or nourishment. This doesn't mean obsessing over every ache, but rather developing a respectful relationship with the vessel that's carried you this far. Your body's limitations don't have to limit your spirit, but ignoring its needs entirely will eventually limit both.

3. Postponing joy until "someday"

How many times have you thought, "I'll travel when I retire," or "I'll take up painting when I have more time"? That cancer scare taught me something else crucial: joy doesn't improve with age like fine wine. It needs to be uncorked and savored now.

Start small if you must. Buy the good olive oil. Use the fancy dishes on a Tuesday. Sign up for that dance class you've been eyeing. Take the weekend trip without waiting for the perfect moment. The habit of deferring happiness creates a life lived in the waiting room rather than the main event.

4. Comparing your chapter 20 to someone else's chapter 5

Social media makes this habit particularly toxic. You see someone starting a business at 55 or running marathons at 62, and suddenly your own accomplishments feel small. But here's what those highlight reels don't show: their struggles, their starting point, their unique circumstances.

Can you celebrate others' victories without using them as a measuring stick for your own worth? Your journey has been distinctly yours, with challenges and triumphs that can't be captured in a photo or status update. Focus on comparing yourself only to who you were yesterday, not to anyone else's today.

5. Spending money on everyone except yourself

After three decades of putting my family's needs first financially, I had to learn an uncomfortable truth: spending on yourself isn't selfish, it's necessary. The guilt I felt buying a new pair of walking shoes while happily spending twice that on gifts for others revealed a troubling imbalance.

Your fifties and sixties should include financial self-care. This doesn't mean reckless spending, but rather acknowledging that you deserve the things that enhance your life. Whether it's a comfortable mattress, a gym membership, or that art class you've been wanting to take, investing in yourself pays dividends in energy and enthusiasm.

6. Holding onto relationships that drain you

Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that's okay. Some relationships that served you in your thirties might feel heavy in your sixties. The friend who only calls when she needs something, the relative who criticizes every choice you make, the social group that leaves you feeling depleted rather than energized.

As I wrote in a recent post about finding purpose later in life, our time becomes more precious as we age, making it essential to spend it with people who uplift rather than diminish us. Give yourself permission to let draining relationships fade while nurturing those that bring mutual joy and support.

7. Living in the past or future instead of the present

Do you catch yourself constantly reminiscing about "the good old days" or worrying about what's to come? While reflection and planning have their place, living primarily in any time except now robs you of the only moment you actually have.

I've found that cultivating presence doesn't require meditation retreats or complicated practices. Sometimes it's as simple as truly tasting your morning coffee, feeling the sun on your face during a walk, or giving someone your complete attention during a conversation. The habit of mental time travel keeps us from experiencing the richness available right now.

8. Believing the story that aging equals decline

Perhaps the most insidious habit is accepting society's narrative that getting older means inevitable deterioration. Yes, our bodies change. Yes, some things become more challenging. But viewing aging solely through the lens of loss blinds us to what we're gaining: wisdom, perspective, freedom from others' opinions, and often, a clearer sense of what truly matters.

After spending 32 years with teenagers, I learned they possessed wisdom beyond their years. Now in my sixties, I'm discovering that we possess possibilities beyond our years too. Every day offers chances to learn something new, connect with others, or experience beauty. The habit of expecting decline often creates it, while expecting continued growth and discovery tends to manifest those instead.

Final thoughts

Releasing these habits isn't about perfection or transformation overnight. It's about gradually shifting your daily choices toward vitality rather than resignation. Some days you'll slip back into old patterns, and that's perfectly human. The key is recognizing these habits when they surface and gently redirecting yourself toward choices that support the vibrant life you deserve.

What would happen if you chose just one of these habits to work on this month? Your fifties and sixties aren't about slowing down; they're about becoming more intentional about where you direct your energy. The vibrant life you want isn't waiting somewhere in the future. It's available now, one released habit at a time.