You know a person has poor social skills if they use these 7 phrases without realizing their impact

I was at a friend's dinner party last month when someone said, "Well, actually..." for the third time in ten minutes. Each time, the energy in the room shifted. People's shoulders tensed. Eye contact dropped. The person kept talking, completely oblivious.

Social skills aren't about being fake or performative. They're about understanding how your words land on other people. And some phrases, no matter how innocent they seem, create distance instead of connection.

The tricky part? The people who use these phrases usually have no idea they're doing damage. They think they're being helpful, honest, or just making conversation.

1) "Well, actually..."

This is the conversational equivalent of stepping on someone's toe and then explaining why their toe was in the wrong place.

When you start a sentence with "well, actually," you're not just correcting information. You're announcing that being right matters more to you than the other person's dignity. You're positioning yourself above them.

I used to do this constantly during my music blogging days in my twenties. Someone would mention a band, I'd jump in with "well, actually, that album was recorded in 2007, not 2008." As if that distinction mattered to anyone but me.

Here's what I learned: people don't remember the corrections. They remember how you made them feel small.

If something genuinely needs correcting, you can do it without the preamble. Just share the information naturally. Or better yet, ask yourself if it even matters.

2) "No offense, but..."

Anything that comes after this phrase is guaranteed to be offensive. That's literally the only reason you need the disclaimer.

It's like saying "I'm not racist, but..." Nothing good follows that setup either.

When you lead with "no offense," you're acknowledging that what you're about to say might hurt, and you're doing it anyway. You're asking the other person to suppress their reaction while you say something unkind.

Socially skilled people understand that if you have to preface something with a warning, you probably shouldn't say it at all. Or at minimum, you need to find a more thoughtful way to express it.

3) "You're too sensitive"

This phrase does something insidious. It takes someone's legitimate reaction and reframes it as their personal failing.

When you tell someone they're too sensitive, you're refusing to take responsibility for your impact. You're saying their feelings are wrong instead of considering that maybe your words or actions caused harm.

I watched this play out at my nephew's birthday party recently. An uncle made a joke that clearly hurt the birthday boy's feelings. Instead of apologizing, he said, "Oh, come on, you're being too sensitive."

The kid wasn't being too sensitive. The joke was just mean.

People with good social skills understand that feelings aren't debatable. Someone else's emotional experience is their reality. You don't get to tell them how to feel about your behavior.

4) "I'm just being honest"

Honesty without kindness is just cruelty with a PR strategy.

This phrase usually appears right after someone says something unnecessarily harsh. It's a shield. A way to deflect criticism by claiming moral high ground.

But here's the thing: honesty and tact aren't opposites. You can be truthful without being brutal. Socially aware people understand that how you deliver truth matters as much as the truth itself.

My grandmother raised four kids on a teacher's salary, and one thing she taught me: if you can't find a kind way to say something true, you need to think harder about why you're saying it at all.

Brutal honesty usually says more about the person delivering it than the person receiving it.

5) "That's not a big deal"

Who are you to decide what's a big deal for someone else?

When you minimize someone's concerns or feelings, you're not helping them gain perspective. You're telling them their inner experience is invalid.

Maybe that deadline stress isn't a big deal to you. Maybe that friendship conflict seems minor from the outside. But to the person living it, it's real and it matters.

Socially skilled people make space for other people's experiences without judgment. They understand that something can be small to them and enormous to someone else, and both realities can coexist.

A better response? "I can see this is really affecting you. What can I do to help?"

6) "I told you so"

Nothing kills trust and connection faster than smug self-satisfaction at someone else's expense.

When you say "I told you so," you're prioritizing being right over being supportive. You're taking someone's difficult moment and making it about your vindication.

My partner and I have been together five years, and we have an explicit rule: no "I told you so" moments. When one of us makes a choice that doesn't work out, the other person's job is support, not smugness.

Because here's what matters more than being right: being someone people can come to when things go wrong. If you're the person who says "I told you so," you won't be the person they turn to next time.

People with strong social skills understand that relationships matter more than scorekeeping.

7) "It's just a joke, relax"

This phrase does double damage. First, it dismisses someone's reaction to something hurtful. Second, it frames their reasonable response as uptightness.

If a joke hurts someone and you have to explain it was "just a joke," then the joke failed. Full stop.

I learned this the hard way in my first three years after going vegan. I'd make jokes about people's food choices, then tell them to relax when they got defensive. I thought I was being funny. I was just being an jerk.

Comedy works when everyone's laughing. When only you're laughing and someone else is hurt, that's not comedy. That's just meanness dressed up with a punchline.

Socially aware people understand that intent doesn't override impact. If your joke landed wrong, the appropriate response is an apology, not defensiveness.

The bottom line

Poor social skills aren't about lacking charisma or being awkward at small talk. They're about missing the impact of your words on other people.

The seven phrases above all do the same thing: they prioritize your ego, your need to be right, your desire to avoid discomfort over the other person's emotional reality.

Good social skills boil down to one simple principle: pay attention to how your words land.

Notice when someone's body language shifts. Register when energy changes. Catch yourself before you reflexively defend or dismiss.

Most people using these phrases don't realize what they're doing. They're not intentionally harmful. They're just unaware.

But awareness is learnable. You can catch yourself mid-sentence. You can apologize when you mess up. You can choose different words next time.

The gap between poor social skills and good ones isn't personality. It's attention and practice.

Start paying attention. The people around you will notice the difference.