8 trends that make you look like you’re chasing validation

We all want to be seen. That’s human.

But somewhere along the way, many of us started confusing visibility with worth. Every notification, every like, every “Look at me” moment became a shortcut for feeling good about ourselves.

And the tricky part? A lot of the habits that feed this hunger for approval are so normalized that we don’t even realize we’ve slipped into them.

I’ve fallen into a few of them myself. You probably have too.

So let’s get into eight trends that quietly signal you’re not living for yourself as much as you think.

Are you doing things because they matter to you... or because they make you look good?

Let’s find out.

1) Oversharing your goals online

Ever notice how people announce a new project before they’ve even started it?

• “Starting my 6 AM routine tomorrow.”
• “Launching my side hustle soon.”
• “Gym grind begins today.”

I’ve done it too. It feels productive. It feels like you’re committing.

But the research says otherwise. Behavioral psychologist Peter Gollwitzer has shown that talking about your goals can actually trick your brain into thinking you’ve already made progress, which drains your motivation.

So why do we do it? Because public declarations get quick applause.

The problem is that validation becomes the reward, not the accomplishment itself. You end up chasing impressions instead of building discipline. And when the motivation dies, you feel guilty because your online persona didn’t match your real actions.

If your goals matter, work on them in private first. Let the results do the talking.

2) Turning every accomplishment into content

There’s nothing wrong with celebrating wins. But there’s a difference between sharing joy and curating an image.

I saw this during my years in luxury F&B. Some chefs would quietly nail a perfect service and go home satisfied. Others couldn’t complete a plating without taking eight photos, adjusting the lighting, and imagining how many likes it would get.

One group was building mastery. The other was building an audience.

Success hits different when it becomes a performance. When every personal milestone automatically becomes a post, you start measuring your progress in views instead of growth. And that’s a fast way to lose touch with what actually matters to you.

Document your life if you want to. Just don’t make your entire sense of progress depend on who’s watching.

3) Constantly asking for opinions before making decisions

• “What do you think?”
• “Does this look okay?”
• “Should I do it?”

We all need honest feedback sometimes. But if you can’t make even small decisions without crowdsourcing reassurance, that’s not collaboration. That’s dependency disguised as thoughtfulness.

And I say this with empathy. When I started writing full-time, I constantly asked friends to review my drafts. Not because I needed help, but because I needed reassurance that I wasn’t screwing up my new career path.

Eventually, a friend looked at me and said, “Man, you don’t trust yourself at all, do you?”

That hit.

There’s a difference between valuing insight and outsourcing your confidence. If every choice feels like a referendum on your worth, it’s going to exhaust you.

Start with small decisions. Build that internal muscle. Confidence grows through repetition, not consensus.

4) Posting vague emotional “updates” for attention

You’ve seen this one:

• “Some people really showed their true colors today.”
• “Hurt but learning.”
• “Don’t ask.”

Except… they want you to ask.

These posts are catnip for engagement because they create intrigue. But when you rely on digital sympathy to soothe emotional discomfort, you train yourself to process pain publicly instead of privately.

It might feel validating in the moment, but it keeps you stuck. Anchored to the identity of someone who’s always on the verge of something dramatic.

There’s nothing wrong with expressing emotion. But there’s a difference between expressing and baiting.

If you’re hurting, reach out to one person who cares. Not one hundred strangers who don’t.

5) Curating a lifestyle that’s more aesthetic than authentic

I’ve traveled enough to know the difference between people exploring a new culture and people collecting content to prove they were there. The food photos staged for twenty minutes. The workouts filmed from four angles. The “candid” shots that took seventeen tries.

There’s a quiet pressure now to make your whole life brand-friendly. You start choosing restaurants, clothes, hobbies, even friends based on how well they photograph.

But what’s the cost?

You stop tasting your meals. You stop being fully present. You turn moments into props instead of experiences.

I learned this the hard way. I once spent an entire street-food tour in Bangkok obsessing over lighting instead of enjoying the flavors. I walked away realizing I’d captured the trip but barely lived it.

If your life looks high quality but doesn’t feel high quality, that’s a sign something’s off.

6) Needing immediate responses from people

Ever catch yourself getting annoyed when someone doesn’t reply instantly?

That little spike of anxiety. That “Did I say something wrong?” spiral. That urge to double text.

I’ve been there. Especially in relationships.

But needing constant reassurance that you’re still liked, still valued, still important creates a clinginess that pushes people away. It makes your self-worth dependent on someone else’s availability.

Most people aren’t ignoring you. They’re just living.

If a delayed text shakes you, it’s not about the text. It’s about what you’re afraid it means.

Build the ability to self-soothe instead of waiting for someone else to soothe you.

7) Using trends instead of personality as your identity

This shows up everywhere:

• The same outfits.
• The same opinions.
• The same hot takes recycled from TikTok.

When your personality is built from trends instead of truth, you end up blending in while trying to stand out.

And the irony? Chasing originality by copying everyone else is the most unoriginal move of all.

I see it in the wellness world constantly. People adopt dietary labels, biohacking routines, or minimalist aesthetics not because they resonate, but because they’re popular. It becomes a way to look intentional without doing the internal work of actually choosing what you value.

Authenticity comes from subtracting, not adding. Remove what’s borrowed so your real preferences can surface.

8) Equating busyness with importance

Finally, let’s talk about the most socially accepted form of validation seeking: pretending your schedule is always overflowing.

The “I’m so busy” anthem.

Some people treat their calendar like a trophy case. If they’re booked, they matter. If they’re overwhelmed, they’re valuable. If they’re exhausted, they must be doing something right.

But busyness is not the same as purpose. It doesn’t signal ambition. It signals poor boundaries.

I fell into this trap in my twenties while working in restaurants. Long hours felt like a badge of honor. If I wasn’t running around, sweating through a shift, juggling ten tasks at once, I felt useless.

Eventually I realized I was confusing intensity with progress. What looks impressive isn’t always effective.

And here’s the kicker: people who truly feel secure don’t need to broadcast how full their lives are. They manage their time instead of using it as a performance.

The bottom line

Validation isn’t the enemy. We’re social creatures. We’re wired to care what others think.

But when approval becomes the guiding force behind your choices, you lose the ability to hear your own voice. You stop living for yourself and start living for the reaction.

The good news is that self-awareness is the first step to breaking out of these habits. Not by judging yourself, but by noticing the moments when you’re performing instead of experiencing, posting instead of feeling, asking instead of trusting.

If any of these trends hit a little too close, you’re not alone. Just use it as a nudge to recalibrate.

Live for the life that feels true, not the one that looks impressive.