10 phrases people with poor social skills commonly use in everyday conversation

Crafting genuine connection comes down to the tiny things we say—or blurt out—when the stakes feel low. Most of us have slipped up with a tone‑deaf comment at some point, but folks who consistently struggle with social awareness lean on certain phrases like crutches. Over time those verbal tics alienate friends, derail work collaborations, and leave first dates dead on arrival.

Below are ten of the biggest culprits, why they short‑circuit rapport, and what to say instead. I’ll sprinkle in a few stories from my own embarrassments on the road—plus insights from communication pros—to keep things real and actionable.

1. “I’m just being honest”

There’s nothing inherently wrong with honesty; the trouble starts when we wield it like a blunt object. Brutal truth feels righteous to the speaker and brutal to everyone else. Last winter, while photographing a vegan street‑food pop‑up in Chiang Mai, I told the chef his jackfruit “looked kind of mushy.” I meant helpful feedback; he heard, Your food is gross. The pop‑up vibe tanked for a solid ten minutes.

Try instead: “Can I give you some feedback?” Framing honesty as a request shows respect—and gives the other person the option to say no.

2. “Whatever”

“Whatever” is the conversational eject button: you pull it when you’re done listening. Stoic philosopher Epictetus offered a timeless reminder: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” Tossing out “Whatever” tells the other person you’re closing both ears. Conversation over, connection lost.

Try instead: “I see we’re not on the same page—can we pause and revisit later?” It keeps the door open.

3. “You wouldn’t understand”

This phrase slams the gate on empathy and assumes the worst of your listener. During a vegan‑menu brainstorming session with chef friends, one cook dismissed my suggestion for cashew cheese with that exact line. I checked out of the meeting mentally, and so did everyone else.

Try instead: “It’s a bit technical—want me to break it down?” Educating builds bridges; condescension burns them.

4. “Actually, you’re wrong”

Correcting people isn’t the issue; the delivery is. Linguist Deborah Tannen notes that “You can no more talk without style than you can walk or sit or dress without style.”

Style here is all swagger and no sensitivity. When the first word out of your mouth is “Actually,” you prime your listener to defend, not to discuss.

Try instead: “That’s interesting—here’s another angle.” You still share facts but invite dialogue.

5. “No offense, but…”

Ever notice how everything after “No offense” is inevitably offensive? On a crowded Shinkansen recently, a tourist told me, “No offense, but your camera bag is huge.”

Instant eye‑roll. If you feel compelled to add the disclaimer, your comment needs rethinking.

Try instead: “Could you slide your bag a little? I’m squeezed for space.” Polite, direct, zero drama.

6. “Why are you so sensitive?”

This shifts blame from the speaker’s poor phrasing to the listener’s perfectly normal feelings. Management legend Peter Drucker put it bluntly: “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Dismissing emotions means you hear nothing beyond your own words.

A few years ago, I was leading a weekend photo workshop near Big Sur. One participant, Maya, struggled with the technical settings on her new mirrorless camera. Mid‑lesson she asked her third follow‑up question about shutter speed, and I sighed louder than I realized.

She flinched and said, “Sorry, I’m trying to get it.”
Without thinking, I replied, “Why are you so sensitive? It’s just a question.”

The moment the words left my mouth I felt the group’s energy drop—like someone pulled the plug on a speaker mid‑song. Maya closed her notebook, stepped back from the group, and barely spoke the rest of the day. That night around the campfire she skipped dinner and stayed in her tent scrolling through her phone, missing the sunset shoot everyone else raved about later.

I’d turned a teaching opportunity into a personal critique. The next morning I apologized—properly this time. I owned the sigh, the insensitive remark, and the effect it had on her learning experience. She accepted, but the workshop never fully recovered its camaraderie.

Try instead: “I didn’t mean to upset you—can you tell me what landed wrong?” That shows curiosity over defensiveness.

7. “I was only joking”

If you have to announce the joke, it probably missed the mark. On a photo assignment in Lisbon I quipped that a friend’s new headshot looked like a passport mug‑shot. Laughter? Nope—just awkward silence. Claiming it was “only a joke” doubled the damage.

Try instead: “Sorry, that joke didn’t land—my bad.” Own it and move on.

8. “That’s stupid”

Name‑calling is debate napalm. It shuts down ideas and shames the speaker more than the target. A songwriter buddy once pitched a quirky chord progression; another musician shrugged, “That’s stupid.” The room froze, creativity tanked.

Try instead: “I’m not following—could you walk me through your thinking?” Questions invite clarification; labels invite resentment.

9. “Relax”

Telling someone to relax rarely calms them; it usually pours lighter fluid on frustration. I dropped this gem on my sister while assembling flat‑pack furniture (“Relax, it’s just screws”). She did not relax. Instead, we lost twenty minutes to bickering.

Try instead: “Let’s take a quick breather—need some water?” Help defuse tension instead of dismissing it.

10. “I don’t care”

Indifference is kryptonite to connection. Whether you’re deciding on dinner or debating climate policy, saying you don’t care signals the other person’s effort is pointless. And if you truly have no opinion, there are gentler ways to convey it.

Try instead: “I’m flexible—what’s your preference?” You share neutrality without nullifying theirs.

Wrapping up

Poor social skills aren’t life sentences; they’re habits, and habits can be edited. Swap the above phrases for curiosity, humility, and clarity, and you’ll notice conversations smooth out almost overnight.

I’ve mentioned this before but one of the fastest upgrades I ever made was keeping a sticky note near my desk that simply reads: Ask, don’t assume. Every time I follow that reminder, discussions feel lighter and results—whether creative, relational, or professional—tend to be stronger.

So which of these phrases sneaks into your own vocabulary? Catch yourself once today, course‑correct on the spot, and watch how quickly the dynamic shifts. Conversation, after all, is just a series of small choices. Make better ones and your relationships—online and off—will thank you.