If you heard these 10 phrases as a child, you were raised by people who weren’t ready to be parents

There’s a difference between being old enough to have kids—and actually being ready to raise them.

Some parents do the best they can with what they’ve got. But if what they’ve got is unhealed trauma, emotional immaturity, or a complete lack of self-awareness, that “best” often falls short in quiet, insidious ways.

They might clothe you, feed you, even take you on vacations—but if the words coming out of their mouths consistently made you feel small, ashamed, or invisible, that leaves a different kind of mark.

Here are ten phrases that quietly reveal when a parent wasn’t emotionally ready for the job.

1. “Because I said so”

This is the classic fallback of someone who feels challenged and doesn’t know how to handle it.

It shuts down curiosity. It tells the child, “Your thoughts don’t matter.” It’s about control, not connection.

Sure, every parent might say it once or twice in a moment of frustration. But if it was the go-to response anytime you asked why, you probably learned that compliance was valued more than understanding.

Emotionally mature parents don’t need to be right all the time—they’re willing to explain, even when it’s inconvenient.

2. “Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”

This one still stings when I hear it—even if it’s said jokingly.

At its core, it teaches that emotions are punishable. That expressing pain will only bring more pain. It creates a child who learns to bottle everything up.

If you heard this a lot, you might now feel weirdly guilty for having feelings at all. You might apologize when you cry. You might even flinch when others show emotion—because it triggers something that used to feel dangerous.

Parents who say this usually aren’t trying to be cruel. They just haven’t learned how to sit with feelings—yours or their own.

3. “Why can’t you be more like your sibling?”

Comparison isn’t motivation. It’s humiliation disguised as feedback.

This line teaches a child that their worth is conditional—that love depends on performance. It also pits siblings against each other, sometimes for life.

I have a friend who still struggles to feel joy for his brother’s accomplishments. Not because he’s selfish, but because his entire childhood was framed as a competition he was always losing.

Healthy parents celebrate each kid’s individuality. They don’t weaponize one child’s strengths against another’s struggles.

4. “You’re so dramatic”

You trip and cry? “Dramatic.”
You get upset over a harsh tone? “Dramatic.”
You voice frustration about being left out? “Dramatic.”

The message is simple: Your reactions are invalid. You feel too much. You’re exhausting.

If you grew up hearing this, you may now second-guess your every emotional response. You might tell people, “I know I’m probably overreacting…” before you even finish a sentence.

Parents who say this usually aren’t trying to gaslight. But they are prioritizing their own comfort over your emotional truth.

5. “I’m the parent. You don’t get to question me.”

Authority shouldn’t require fear to function.

This phrase tells the child that hierarchy beats humanity. That respect flows one way. That power wins over dialogue.

Parents who constantly lean on this kind of statement usually don’t know how to co-regulate. They confuse obedience with love.

If this was your household dynamic, you probably struggle now to advocate for yourself in relationships. You may freeze up when someone raises their voice—not because you’re weak, but because you were taught that speaking up invites punishment.

6. “Don’t talk back”

Let’s be honest—there’s a difference between backtalk and having a voice.

This phrase gets thrown out whenever a child dares to express disagreement or push back, even respectfully.

It’s another variation of, “My discomfort is more important than your autonomy.”

If you were shut down this way, you might’ve grown up learning to edit yourself around authority figures. You might still feel uncomfortable challenging people, even when they’re clearly wrong.

Parents who were emotionally ready know that teaching respectful disagreement is part of raising a healthy adult.

7. “You’re too sensitive”

This one’s a gut punch.

It reframes your emotional reactions as flaws. It tells you that you’re the problem, not the situation. It teaches you to doubt your own emotional instincts.

I’ve mentioned this before, but emotional sensitivity is not a weakness—it’s information. And when that data gets mocked or dismissed, you start assuming your feelings are wrong before you even have them.

If your parents weren’t ready to handle emotions—especially the uncomfortable ones—this is the kind of phrase that likely got used a lot.

8. “What’s wrong with you?”

The worst part of this line isn’t even the words. It’s the tone.

It’s not curiosity—it’s contempt. And it creates a shame loop that can follow you into adulthood.

If you were asked this often—usually during moments of struggle, awkwardness, or failure—you probably internalized the idea that something really is wrong with you. Even if you can’t name what.

Parents who are emotionally grounded say things like, “What’s going on?” or “Talk to me.” They come closer in hard moments—not harder.

9. “You’re fine. Get over it.”

It’s a phrase that erases.

It dismisses your pain before it even finishes arriving. It teaches you not to trust your body, your sadness, your experience.

Now, in adulthood, you might brush off serious red flags in relationships. You might minimize your own needs. You might tell yourself “I’m fine” while falling apart.

Because for years, you were told that pain is only real if someone else validates it.

10. “I gave you everything. You should be grateful.”

This one’s emotionally manipulative, even if it’s said in frustration.

Providing food, shelter, and clothing is the bare minimum—not a lifetime pass for emotional neglect.

When parents say this, they’re not actually looking for gratitude. They’re asking for permission to avoid accountability.

If you heard this often, you might struggle now to identify what you’re entitled to. You might feel guilty for asking for emotional support. You might tell yourself, “They did their best,” while ignoring the parts that still hurt.

Gratitude and accountability aren’t mutually exclusive. You can appreciate what your parents gave and acknowledge what they couldn’t.

The bottom line

You can love your parents and still admit they weren’t ready. You can understand their struggle and still hold them accountable.

You can forgive them and still choose to do things differently.

If these phrases were part of your childhood vocabulary, you’re not broken. You just didn’t get the kind of emotional foundation every kid deserves.

But the good news? That doesn’t have to be the end of the story. You get to build a new script—one where your feelings are valid, your voice is welcome, and your worth isn’t up for debate.

And that’s the kind of parenting we owe to ourselves. Especially if we never got it the first time around.