If someone uses these 9 talking points in a conversation, they probably have below-average social skills

I was at a coffee shop in Venice last week when I overheard someone at the next table completely hijacking a conversation.

Every single response they gave circled back to themselves, their achievements, their opinions. The other person kept trying to change the subject, but it was like watching someone throw tennis balls at a wall.

It got me thinking about the subtle markers that signal someone hasn't quite figured out the dance of conversation yet. And look, we've all been that person at some point.

I certainly was during my early twenties when I first moved to LA and tried way too hard to seem interesting.

But there are specific conversational patterns that tend to reveal when someone's still learning the basics.

Not because they're bad people, but because they haven't yet figured out that good conversation is less about what you say and more about how you make others feel.

1) They turn every topic back to themselves

You mention you just got back from Portland, and within seconds they're talking about their trip to Seattle three years ago. You bring up a documentary you watched, and suddenly they're launching into their five-part take on a completely different film.

This is what psychologists call "conversational narcissism," and it's one of the clearest signs someone hasn't developed strong social awareness yet.

The thing is, most people doing this don't even realize it. They think they're being relatable by sharing similar experiences. But what they're actually doing is steamrolling over the other person's story before it even has a chance to breathe.

Good conversationalists know how to hold space for someone else's narrative. They ask follow-up questions. They show genuine curiosity. They resist the urge to immediately match every story with one of their own.

2) They dominate the conversation without reading the room

Ever been trapped in a one-sided conversation where you can't get a word in? Where the other person just keeps talking, and talking, and talking, completely oblivious to your glazed-over eyes or the fact that you've checked your phone twice?

That's someone who hasn't learned to read social cues yet.

I remember doing this constantly when I first started writing about indie bands. I was so excited about the music scene that I'd corner people at parties and talk their ears off about obscure album releases. I thought I was being passionate. Looking back, I was being exhausting.

The ability to gauge whether someone's actually engaged or just being polite is a learned skill. It requires paying attention to body language, facial expressions, and the natural rhythm of give-and-take that makes conversation feel like a collaboration rather than a lecture.

3) They ask zero follow-up questions

You tell them you just started a new job. They say "cool" and immediately pivot to something completely unrelated.

You mention a challenge you're facing. They nod and launch into advice about their own life without asking a single clarifying question about yours.

This is huge. People with developed social skills understand that questions are the currency of connection. They demonstrate interest. They show you're actually listening. They signal that you value the other person's experience enough to want to know more.

When someone consistently fails to ask follow-ups, it usually means one of two things: either they're too focused on what they want to say next, or they genuinely don't know that this is how engaged conversation works.

4) They share way too much personal information too soon

There's a natural progression to how much we reveal about ourselves as relationships develop. People with strong social skills intuitively understand this. They calibrate their level of sharing to match the depth of the relationship.

But when someone lacks these skills, they often dump their entire emotional history on you during your first conversation. Their recent breakup, their family drama, their deepest insecurities, all laid out before you've even learned each other's last names.

It's not that sharing vulnerable things is bad. It's that timing and context matter. Oversharing early creates an awkward intimacy that the relationship hasn't earned yet. It makes the other person feel trapped, unsure how to respond to revelations that would be appropriate between close friends but feel jarring between near-strangers.

5) They constantly interrupt or finish your sentences

Nothing broadcasts "I'm not actually listening" quite like someone who keeps cutting you off mid-thought.

Some people do this because they're excited and their brain moves faster than their social filter. Others do it because they're so focused on seeming smart or interesting that they're already formulating their response before you've finished talking.

Either way, it's a clear sign of underdeveloped conversational skills.

I've mentioned this before, but active listening is one of those things that sounds simple but requires genuine practice. It means temporarily setting aside your own agenda, your own opinions, your own need to be heard, and actually absorbing what someone else is communicating.

When you're constantly interrupting, you're essentially telling the other person that your thoughts are more important than theirs. Even if that's not your intention, that's the message being received.

6) They take everything as a debate opportunity

You mention you're thinking about trying a plant-based diet. Instead of asking why or what sparked your interest, they immediately launch into a fifteen-minute rebuttal about protein and B12.

You casually reference liking a certain movie. They treat it like you've just submitted a thesis they need to systematically dismantle.

Some people genuinely don't understand that not every statement is an invitation to argue. They think they're engaging in intellectual discourse. What they're actually doing is making conversation feel like work.

The distinction here is important. Healthy disagreement and exchanging different perspectives can be valuable. But people with good social skills know when someone wants to explore an idea versus when they're just making casual conversation. They can disagree without turning every interaction into a courtroom.

When someone consistently defaults to debate mode, it usually signals they value being right more than building connection. And that's a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of what conversation is supposed to accomplish.

7) They never acknowledge or validate what you've said

This one's subtle but significant. Watch what happens after you share something meaningful. Do they acknowledge it? Do they show they've heard and understood you? Or do they just immediately pivot to the next topic without any connective tissue?

People with strong social skills use what researchers call "acknowledgment tokens." Little phrases like "that makes sense," or "I can see why that would be frustrating," or even just "wow, that's interesting." These tiny validations create the feeling of being heard.

When someone consistently skips this step, conversation starts to feel disjointed. You share something vulnerable, and they respond with a total non-sequitur. You express excitement about something, and they move on like you hadn't spoken at all.

It's not malicious. They just haven't learned that conversation requires verbal confirmation that you're actually processing what the other person is saying. Without these acknowledgments, dialogue feels less like an exchange and more like two people taking turns talking at each other.

8) They struggle with the basics of reciprocity

They'll gladly tell you about their weekend plans but never ask about yours. They'll vent about their problems but seem uncomfortable when you bring up yours. They'll accept invitations but rarely extend them.

Social reciprocity is the invisible scaffolding that holds relationships together. It's the understanding that connection requires roughly equal investment from both parties.

When someone consistently takes more than they give in conversations, it signals they haven't yet grasped this fundamental principle. And I get it. Some people are genuinely oblivious to the imbalance. Others might be so caught up in their own world that they don't notice they're creating a one-way street.

But over time, these lopsided interactions drain the other person. Eventually, they stop initiating contact because the relationship feels more like an obligation than a mutual exchange.

9) They can't handle comfortable silence

Not every second of interaction needs to be filled with words. Sometimes the best conversations include natural pauses, moments where both people are just existing together without the pressure to constantly perform.

But people who are still developing their social skills often panic at any hint of silence. They rush to fill it with random observations, awkward jokes, or nervous chatter about nothing in particular.

This usually comes from insecurity. They worry that if they're not constantly talking, the other person will get bored or the interaction will fail somehow. But ironically, the frantic energy of trying to avoid silence is far more uncomfortable than the silence itself would be.

I learned this lesson on a photography walk through Griffith Park last year. I was with someone who just kept talking and talking, clearly uncomfortable with any quiet. Meanwhile, I was trying to focus on composition and lighting, and the constant chatter was actually making the experience less enjoyable.

People with confident social skills understand that silence isn't failure. Sometimes it's exactly what the moment needs.

Conclusion

Here's the thing about social skills: nobody starts out great at them. They're learned through trial, error, and paying attention to how our words land with others.

I've been on both sides of this. I've been the person dominating conversations in coffee shops, convinced I was being engaging when I was really just being exhausting. And I've been the person on the receiving end, mentally calculating how to exit a conversation with someone who clearly hasn't figured out the basics yet.

The good news? Social skills can absolutely be developed. It just requires self-awareness, willingness to adjust, and understanding that conversation is fundamentally about connection, not performance.

If you recognized yourself in any of these patterns, don't beat yourself up about it. Just start paying closer attention to the rhythm of your conversations. Notice when you're taking up most of the space. Practice asking more questions. Give people room to finish their thoughts.

The people who become great conversationalists aren't necessarily the most charismatic or naturally extroverted. They're the ones who figured out that the secret to being interesting is being interested. And that's a skill anyone can learn.