I used to resent my parents' advice until I had kids - now I understand these 7 things they did right

I spent my twenties rolling my eyes at my parents. Every piece of advice felt like an outdated instruction manual for a life I wasn't trying to live. They didn't get it. They didn't understand how different things were now.

Then my nephew turned five, and I started spending real time with him. Suddenly, I was the one setting boundaries, explaining consequences, trying to model behavior I wanted to see reflected back. And somewhere between his third meltdown over screen time and my tenth attempt to get him to eat something green, it hit me.

My parents knew exactly what they were doing.

This isn't about suddenly thinking my parents were perfect. They weren't. But the things I used to find annoying or restrictive? Those are the exact things that helped me become someone who can hold down a freelance career, maintain healthy relationships, and navigate life without completely falling apart every time something goes sideways.

Here's what I finally understand.

1) They made me finish what I started

I wanted to quit saxophone after three months. I was terrible at it, and the kid next to me in band class made me sound like a dying goose by comparison. My parents said no. I had committed to the school year, and I was going to see it through.

I hated them for it at the time.

But that lesson stuck. When I started my first blog covering indie bands in Los Angeles, it took nearly two years before anyone actually read it. There were months where I questioned why I was bothering. But I kept showing up, kept writing, kept improving.

That discipline didn't come naturally. It came from being forced to sit with discomfort long enough to push through it. My parents understood something I didn't: the difference between quitting because something is genuinely wrong for you and quitting because it's hard.

Now when I'm three weeks into a challenging article and want to abandon it, I hear their voices. Finish what you started. It's annoying how often they're still right.

2) They didn't rescue me from consequences

Eighth grade. I forgot my science project at home on the day it was due. I called my mom in a panic, begging her to bring it to school. She said no.

I got a zero. I was furious.

But here's what happened: I never forgot an assignment again. More importantly, I learned that my problems were mine to solve. My parents didn't swoop in to fix every mistake or cushion every fall.

This shows up constantly in my adult life. When a client isn't happy with my work, I don't make excuses or deflect blame. When I miss a deadline, I own it and figure out how to prevent it next time. When my relationship with my partner hits a rough patch, I don't wait for someone else to fix it.

The research backs this up too. Studies in behavioral science show that people who face natural consequences for their actions develop better problem-solving skills and take more responsibility for their choices. My parents didn't know the research. They just knew that rescuing me would teach me to wait for rescue.

3) They prioritized family meals

Dinner was non-negotiable in my house growing up. It didn't matter if I had homework or wanted to watch TV or had plans with friends. We sat down together, we talked, and we ate whatever my mom made.

I thought it was ridiculous. Everyone else's families seemed so much more flexible.

Now I see it completely differently. Those meals taught me how to have a conversation. How to listen when someone else is talking. How to share space with people even when you're not particularly in the mood for it.

When my partner and I moved in together five years ago, I insisted on eating dinner together at least four nights a week. No phones, no TV, just us talking about our days. It's become the foundation of our relationship, this ritual of showing up for each other consistently.

My parents understood something about connection that I couldn't see as a teenager: it doesn't happen accidentally. You have to create space for it and protect that space fiercely.

4) They let me be bored

Summer afternoons with nothing to do. No camps, no structured activities, just me and the vast emptiness of free time. I complained constantly about being bored.

My parents' response? Go find something to do.

At the time, this felt like neglect. Other kids had packed schedules. Other parents seemed way more invested in entertaining their children.

But boredom is where creativity lives. Those long, empty afternoons forced me to figure out what actually interested me. I started taking photos because I literally had nothing else to do. I taught myself guitar. I read everything I could get my hands on.

Now I make my living as a writer, and my photography hobby has turned into occasional paid work. None of that would have happened if my parents had scheduled away every moment of potential boredom.

The constant stimulation kids get now terrifies me a little. When do they learn to sit with themselves? When do they discover what they actually enjoy versus what's been programmed for them?

5) They modeled imperfect commitment

My parents fought. Not constantly, but they argued. They disagreed about money, about parenting decisions, about whose turn it was to deal with whatever household crisis had emerged that week.

As a kid, this stressed me out. Why couldn't they just get along?

As an adult? I'm grateful they showed me what commitment looks like when it's not easy. They demonstrated that you don't bail the second things get uncomfortable. You work through it. You apologize when you're wrong. You keep showing up even when you're frustrated.

This has been huge in my relationship with my partner. We're very different people with different habits and preferences. There are days when those differences feel insurmountable. But I saw my parents navigate differences for decades, and it taught me that friction doesn't equal failure.

Perfect relationships don't exist. Committed people who keep choosing each other do.

6) They made me contribute to the household

Chores weren't optional. I had to help with dinner, do my own laundry by age twelve, and contribute to keeping our home functional. I wanted to be treated like a guest, but they treated me like a member of the household.

I resented this deeply.

Now I live with a partner who never had to do chores growing up, and I see the difference constantly. I don't expect someone else to pick up after me. I notice when things need to be done and do them. I understand that maintaining a shared space is everyone's responsibility.

This isn't about moral superiority. It's about practical life skills that nobody teaches you if your parents don't. How to cook a basic meal. How to clean properly. How to manage your time and responsibilities.

My parents gave me the gift of competence, even though it felt like punishment at the time.

7) They said no more than they said yes

I wanted so many things as a kid. Expensive sneakers, video games, trips to places my friends were going. My parents said no constantly. We couldn't afford it, or it wasn't a priority, or I hadn't earned it.

This felt unfair at the time. Other kids seemed to get everything they wanted.

But learning to accept no taught me something essential: I don't need everything I want. Desire and necessity are different things. Disappointment won't kill me.

When I decided to go vegan eight years ago, one of the hardest parts was telling my family during the holidays. I had to say no to my grandmother's cooking, to traditions I'd grown up with, to the easy path of just going along. But I'd learned from my parents that boundaries matter, even when they disappoint people you love.

Saying no to others starts with hearing no yourself. It's how you develop a spine.

Conclusion

My parents weren't trying to be perfect. They were just doing their best with the information and resources they had. They made plenty of mistakes along the way.

But the things they got right? Those are the things that shaped me into someone who can navigate adult life without constantly falling apart. The discipline, the responsibility, the ability to handle discomfort and disappointment, these didn't come naturally. They were taught, often through lessons I actively resisted.

I don't have kids of my own, but spending time with my nephew has given me a window into how hard parenting actually is. How easy it would be to take the path of least resistance, to say yes to everything, to rescue him from every consequence.

My parents took the harder road. They let me struggle, fail, and figure things out. They prioritized long-term growth over short-term comfort.

And now, finally, I'm grateful for it.