14 phrases emotionally intelligent people use to instantly connect with others

Ever notice how some people just have a way of making you feel instantly comfortable? Like you've known them for years, even though you just met?

That's emotional intelligence in action.

These folks have mastered the art of connection through the words they choose. And here's the thing: it's not magic. It's learnable.

Today, I'm sharing 14 phrases that emotionally intelligent people use to build instant rapport. These aren't cheesy pickup lines or manipulative tactics. They're genuine expressions that create real connection.

Let's dive in.

1. "Tell me more about that"

This simple phrase is pure gold.

When someone shares something with you, whether it's about their weekend plans or a challenge at work, these four words show you're genuinely interested. You're not just waiting for your turn to talk.

I learned this the hard way when I was rebuilding some important relationships in my life. I used to be the guy who always had a story to top yours. Then I discovered the power of shutting up and actually listening. "Tell me more about that" became my go-to phrase, and it changed everything.

People light up when you give them space to share. They feel heard. They feel valued.

And that's where real connection begins.

2. "I don't know much about that, could you help me understand?"

Admitting you don't know something? Revolutionary, right?

But here's what I've noticed: the smartest people in the room are often the ones asking the most questions. They're not trying to prove how much they know. They're genuinely curious.

This phrase does two powerful things. First, it shows humility. Second, it positions the other person as the expert, which makes them feel valued and respected.

Try it next time someone mentions their hobby, their job, or anything you're unfamiliar with. Watch how their entire demeanor shifts.

3. "That sounds really challenging"

Validation is like oxygen for human connection.

When someone shares a struggle, resist the urge to immediately offer solutions or share your own similar experience. Instead, acknowledge what they're going through.

This phrase shows empathy without minimizing their experience. You're not saying "I know exactly how you feel" (because you probably don't). You're simply recognizing that what they're facing is tough.

And sometimes, that's all someone needs to hear.

4. "What was that like for you?"

Here's a question that goes deeper than surface-level small talk.

Instead of asking "How was your vacation?" which usually gets you a one-word answer, this phrase invites someone to share their actual experience. Their feelings. Their perspective.

It shows you care about their inner world, not just the facts of what happened.

5. "I really admire how you..."

Specific compliments hit different.

Generic praise like "You're awesome" is nice, but pointing out something specific you admire shows you're actually paying attention. "I really admire how you handled that difficult customer" or "I really admire how you stay calm under pressure."

This isn't about flattery. It's about recognizing and acknowledging the good in others. When you do this authentically, people remember it.

6. "I've been thinking about what you said"

Want to make someone feel truly heard? Reference a previous conversation.

This phrase shows that their words had impact. That you didn't just nod along and forget everything the moment they walked away.

I've mentioned this before but active listening extends beyond the conversation itself. When you follow up days or weeks later with "I've been thinking about what you said about changing careers," you're showing that person they matter to you.

7. "How can I support you?"

Not "Let me know if you need anything." That puts the burden on them to ask.

Instead, "How can I support you?" is proactive. It's specific. It shows you're ready and willing to help in whatever way they need.

The difference is subtle but powerful. One is passive, the other is engaged.

8. "I appreciate you sharing that with me"

When someone opens up about something personal, acknowledge the trust they've placed in you.

This phrase honors their vulnerability. It recognizes that sharing wasn't necessarily easy, and you don't take it for granted.

In a world where we often rush through conversations, taking a moment to express genuine appreciation for someone's openness creates a deeper bond.

9. "That's a great point, I hadn't thought of it that way"

Ever been in a conversation where everyone's just trying to be right?

Emotionally intelligent people know that connection matters more than being correct. When someone offers a different perspective, acknowledging its value doesn't diminish you. It elevates the conversation.

This phrase shows intellectual humility and openness. It makes the other person feel smart and valued. And it often leads to richer, more interesting discussions.

10. "I can see why that would be important to you"

You don't have to agree with someone to validate their feelings.

This phrase is perfect when someone shares something they care about that maybe isn't your cup of tea. Instead of pretending to be interested or dismissing it, you're acknowledging what it means to them.

It's about meeting people where they are, not where you want them to be.

11. "What do you think?"

Three words that can transform any conversation.

By actively soliciting someone's opinion, you're showing that their thoughts matter. You're inviting them to be a participant, not just an audience.

I use this all the time, whether I'm discussing weekend plans with friends or brainstorming ideas at work. It immediately shifts the dynamic from monologue to dialogue.

12. "I was wrong about that"

Admitting mistakes might feel uncomfortable, but it's incredibly powerful for building trust.

When you own your errors without making excuses or deflecting, people respect you more, not less. It shows integrity and self-awareness.

Plus, it gives others permission to be imperfect too, which creates a more authentic connection.

13. "That reminds me of something you mentioned before"

Making connections between conversations shows you're truly engaged with someone over time.

When you link what they're saying now to something they shared weeks or months ago, it demonstrates that you see them as a whole person with a continuing story, not just someone you interact with in isolated moments.

This kind of continuity deepens relationships significantly.

14. "Thank you for being patient with me"

We all have moments where we're not at our best. Maybe we're learning something new, having a rough day, or just need extra time to process.

Acknowledging when others extend grace to us is powerful. It shows awareness and gratitude. It recognizes their kindness.

And it strengthens the bond between you.

Wrapping up

Here's what I've learned about connection: it's not about having the perfect words or the most interesting stories.

It's about being present. Being curious. Being genuinely interested in the person in front of you.

These 14 phrases aren't scripts to memorize. They're expressions of emotional intelligence that come naturally when you approach others with openness and authenticity.

Start with one or two that resonate with you. Practice them in your daily conversations. Notice how people respond.

Because at the end of the day, we're all looking for the same thing: to be seen, heard, and understood. When you master the art of making others feel that way, you don't just connect with people