What the way you text often says about where you come from—and where you're going
Last week, I caught myself doing something I hadn't noticed before. I was at a coffee shop in Venice, waiting for my oat milk latte, when I overheard two people coordinating dinner plans. One person was rapid-fire texting, fingers flying, sending what looked like six messages in a row. The other person, who'd just mentioned their family's vacation home in Napa, responded once. Thoughtfully. Deliberately.
It got me thinking about the invisible rules that govern how different groups communicate. Not the obvious stuff about grammar or emojis, but the deeper behavioral patterns that signal where someone comes from, what they value, and how they see their place in the world.
Here's what I've noticed about how people with established wealth approach texting differently.
1) They don't send multiple messages when one will do
You know that thing where someone texts "Hey," then "Are you free?" then "I wanted to ask you something" then finally the actual question? That's not something you see from people who grew up with resources.
There's a reason for this. When you're confident in your position, you don't need to build up to your point or test the waters. You simply state what you need clearly and move on.
I learned this the hard way when I first moved to LA. I used to send these fragmented text chains to contacts, thinking I was being polite by not dumping everything at once. A colleague finally told me it came across as uncertain and demanding of constant attention.
Now I take an extra 30 seconds to compose one complete message. It respects the other person's time and projects confidence.
2) They never text late at night or early in the morning
The boundaries around communication timing are fascinating. Research on professional texting shows that people in higher socioeconomic brackets are extremely careful about when they reach out.
Unless it's truly urgent, they won't text before 9 AM or after 9 PM. This isn't just politeness. It signals that they respect others' personal time because their own personal time is protected and valued.
My partner, who definitely didn't grow up with the same resources I did, used to text friends at midnight without thinking twice. But people who've always had control over their schedules understand that interrupting someone's evening or morning is a boundary violation.
3) They avoid excessive abbreviations and text speak
A study in the Journal of Experimental Psychology found that most texters use abbreviations to save time. But here's what's interesting: people from wealthier backgrounds tend to spell things out.
"Sounds good" instead of "sounds gd." "Thank you" instead of "thx." Complete words signal that you have the time to communicate properly. Rushed abbreviations suggest you're too busy, too stressed, or haven't been taught to value clear communication.
When I first started freelancing, I noticed this immediately in how editors from established publications texted versus newer contacts. The more senior people always wrote in full sentences. Always.
4) They don't send walls of text
Long, unbroken paragraphs in a text message are exhausting to read. Yet I see people do this constantly, especially when they're anxious or overexplaining.
People who are comfortable in their position keep texts brief and focused. If something requires extensive explanation, they suggest a call instead. This shows they understand the right tool for the right job.
According to communication research, treating texts like conversations means matching the energy. If someone sends you two sentences, sending them eight paragraphs in response is a mismatch that signals social unawareness.
5) They never text confidential or sensitive information
This one's straightforward but telling. People who've been educated about protecting assets and reputation know that texts can be forwarded, screenshotted, and subpoenaed.
Anything truly private happens on a phone call or in person. This applies to financial information, personal conflicts, or anything that could be misinterpreted.
I've watched people in my life who came from less cautious backgrounds text incredibly sensitive things without considering the digital trail. Meanwhile, people I know whose families have wealth won't even confirm restaurant reservations via text if there's any exclusivity involved.
6) They don't ghost without explanation
Ghosting is walking away from a conversation without any acknowledgment. And while it's become normalized in dating culture, people from established backgrounds tend to avoid it.
Why? Because their reputation matters in interconnected social circles. When you move in smaller, more elite networks, burning bridges has real consequences.
Even a brief "Thanks for reaching out, but I don't think this is the right fit" maintains the relationship fabric. It's not about being nice. It's about understanding that today's casual contact might be tomorrow's business partner or mutual connection.
7) They don't respond with just "K" or "ok"
Internet linguist Gretchen McCulloch points out that shorter responses often sound curt due to something called negativity bias. A single "K" feels dismissive, even hostile.
People who understand social dynamics know this. They take three extra seconds to write "Sounds good" or "Perfect, thanks." This isn't about being warm and fuzzy. It's about managing how others perceive you.
I noticed this shift in myself after spending time around people who'd been to private schools. They'd been explicitly taught that communication shapes reputation. No one ever taught me that growing up in Sacramento. I had to figure it out by observation.
8) They don't air grievances or deliver bad news via text
This might be the clearest dividing line. Etiquette experts are unanimous: serious conversations don't happen over text. Yet I see people break up, fire employees, and start arguments in text threads all the time.
People who've been socialized in upper class environments understand that difficult conversations require the nuance of voice or face-to-face interaction. Texts strip away tone, expression, and the ability to adjust in real time.
When my grandmother volunteers at the food bank, she tells me about the younger volunteers who text to cancel shifts. Meanwhile, the board members who've been doing this for 30 years always call. It's a small thing that reveals a lot about how they were taught to treat commitments and relationships.
The pattern beneath the behavior
Here's what all these behaviors have in common: they reflect a worldview shaped by resources, stability, and education about long-term consequences.
When you grow up with breathing room, you learn to protect your time and reputation carefully. When you're taught that communication shapes opportunity, you approach every interaction as potentially significant.
None of this makes someone better or worse. But it does affect how they're perceived and, unfortunately, how they're treated in professional and social situations.
The good news? These are learnable behaviors. Once you understand the patterns, you can adjust how you communicate. Not to pretend you're someone you're not, but to make sure your texting habits support your goals rather than work against them.
Because at the end of the day, we're all just trying to connect. Some of us just had different instruction manuals.
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