10 things lower middle class people do in public that instantly make them look unrefined

Let’s be clear from the jump: this isn’t about money.

It’s about mindset. About presence. About how you carry yourself when the world’s watching—and even more so when you think no one is.

I’ve met incredibly refined people who make less than minimum wage, and I’ve seen folks with six-figure incomes behave in ways that reek of insecurity, not class.

When I use the phrase “lower middle class” here, I’m not talking about income brackets. I’m talking about behavioral cues that tend to emerge from scarcity culture. Habits that may have once been survival-based, but in a new context come across as tone-deaf, brash, or unpolished.

Here are 10 public behaviors that instantly make someone seem less refined—and a few thoughts on how to rise above them without trying to be something you’re not.

1. Speaking too loudly in quiet spaces

You’ve heard it.

The booming phone call in the train carriage. The shout-talking across a restaurant. The monologue at full volume in a coffee shop that’s clearly not that kind of vibe.

Refined people read the room. They adjust their volume accordingly. People raised in lower middle class environments sometimes associate loudness with confidence or assertiveness—but in reality, it often signals a lack of spatial awareness.

True confidence doesn’t need to echo.

2. Oversharing personal problems in public

There’s a fine line between authenticity and public emotional dumping.

Refined people know when to take things offline. They don’t argue with their partner at brunch, vent about their job to a stranger in line, or cry-laugh about last night’s hookup on speakerphone in a waiting room.

When you treat public spaces like your living room, it tells people you don’t understand boundaries.

Save the raw stuff for people who’ve earned the right to hear it.

3. Bragging about money—or lack of it

Ever hear someone loudly talk about how much their shoes cost? Or how “broke” they are while eating at a mid-tier restaurant?

Both signal the same thing: an unhealthy relationship with status.

People who grew up around financial instability sometimes develop a compulsive need to broadcast what they have or what they don’t. But refined people let their life speak for itself. They don’t need to prove, defend, or exaggerate their financial situation in casual conversation.

4. Wearing logos like they’re job titles

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying designer goods. But when every visible inch of you is covered in brand names, it starts to feel like compensation.

Refinement isn’t about price tags—it’s about intention. Wealth whispers; insecurity shouts. Loud branding often signals someone who wants to be seen as elevated, but hasn’t figured out how to carry that energy without outside validation.

Style doesn’t need a label to be taken seriously.

5. Treating service workers like second-class citizens

This one’s personal for me. I worked food service for years, and I still remember the people who wouldn’t make eye contact, tossed their money on the counter, or barked orders like they were entitled to obedience.

No matter how well-dressed someone is, if they treat service workers poorly, they look cheap.

Refined people understand: manners aren’t for people above you—they’re for everyone. Especially those behind the counter.

6. Publicly shaming their kids or partner

Ever see a parent berate their child in the middle of Target? Or someone rip into their spouse at dinner like they’re starring in a reality show no one asked to watch?

It’s uncomfortable—and unnecessary.

Refined people handle conflict privately. They don’t weaponize tone, volume, or guilt in front of an audience. They know that correction without dignity isn’t discipline—it’s domination.

7. Posting constantly while out in public

There’s nothing wrong with capturing memories. But if your phone is out during every meal, every moment, every conversation—you’re not present. You’re performing.

Refined people don’t need constant digital validation. They don’t need to prove they’re having a good time. They simply have it—and let the moment be enough.

8. Dropping controversial opinions for attention

Some people confuse “realness” with being needlessly inflammatory.

You’ll hear them loudly bash politics, body types, or other people’s life choices in mixed company—not because it adds anything to the conversation, but because they want to stir the pot.

Refined people know the difference between honesty and provocation. They can discuss difficult topics without alienating half the room—or trying to win an argument no one invited them into.

9. Making messes and expecting others to clean them

Leaving trash on a fast-food table. Not flushing in public bathrooms. Leaving a trail of paper towels at the sink.

These little behaviors scream I don’t think this space is mine to care for.

Refined people move through public spaces like guests—not just users. They clean up after themselves not because someone’s watching, but because it’s the right thing to do.

10. Laughing at “low-hanging fruit” jokes in public

Mocking people’s appearances. Commenting on someone’s weight or accent. Making “jokes” that punch down at entire groups of people.

People who grew up around casual cruelty often don’t realize how abrasive this comes off. But refinement isn’t about political correctness—it’s about consideration.

You don’t need to agree with everyone. But if your sense of humor depends on humiliating someone else, it says more about your worldview than theirs.

The bottom line

None of this is about being fancy. It’s about being intentional.

Refinement isn’t how much you earn. It’s how you show up. It’s how you read the energy of a space, how you treat strangers, how you carry yourself when no one’s applauding.

If you recognize yourself in any of these habits, don’t panic. We’ve all been unrefined in some way at some point. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s awareness.

Because at the end of the day, class isn’t in your wallet.

It’s in your presence.

And you don’t need to buy that—you just need to practice it.