10 signs a person is a nepo baby, even if they try to seem middle class

There's something oddly fascinating about watching someone pretend they built everything from scratch when you know they started on third base.

I've been writing about human behavior and decision-making long enough to spot the patterns. And lately, I've been noticing how often people with significant advantages downplay their head starts. It's not always malicious. Sometimes they genuinely don't see it.

But here's the thing: understanding privilege isn't about judgment. It's about honesty. When we can't acknowledge the advantages that shaped our path, we end up giving advice that's useless to people without those same advantages.

So let's talk about the signs that someone had a leg up, even when they're working hard to appear self-made.

1) They casually mention "starting at the bottom" of their family's company

This one always gets me.

They'll tell you about their first job, how they started in the mailroom or as an intern, really learning the business from the ground up. They want you to know they earned their way.

But here's what they leave out: the mailroom was at their dad's firm. The internship was at their mom's production company. The "ground floor" had their last name on the building.

Starting at the bottom of your family's company isn't the same as starting at the bottom. You're learning, sure. But you're also learning with a safety net made of titanium. You can't get fired. You have direct access to decision-makers. Everyone knows who you are.

When I started as an indie music blogger in the 2000s, I was literally nobody. I had to cold-email bands, build relationships from zero, and prove myself without a single connection. That's what actual ground floor looks like.

The difference isn't effort. Nepo babies often work hard. The difference is consequence. When you fail at your family's company, you get another shot. When you fail without that safety net, you might be done.

2) Their "big break" came through a family friend

Pay attention to how people describe their career-defining moment.

Self-made people usually have a story involving cold outreach, persistence, or sheer luck with a stranger. Nepo babies have a story involving someone who "happened to be" at a dinner party their parents hosted.

The language is always careful. They'll say things like "I met someone who saw potential in me" without mentioning that the someone was their godfather. Or "I got connected with the right person at the right time" without explaining that their uncle made the introduction.

I'm not saying these connections are worthless. Networking matters. But there's a difference between networking and being born into the network.

3) They attended an elite private school but describe it as "just my high school"

This is subtle, but once you notice it, you can't unsee it.

They'll reference their high school experience in passing, making it sound totally normal. They don't name-drop the school directly, but if you look it up, the tuition is $50,000 a year.

Growing up in suburban Sacramento, I went to regular public school. We had overcrowded classrooms and teachers who worked second jobs. That's the baseline for most people.

Elite private schools aren't just about better education. They're about connection-building from age 14. Your classmates are future CEOs, politicians, and industry leaders. Your teachers have relationships with college admissions officers. Your guidance counselor has a direct line to internship programs.

When someone glosses over this part of their background, they're erasing a massive advantage.

4) They talk about their gap year like everyone takes one

"I took a year off before college to travel and find myself."

Cool. Who paid for it?

Gap years aren't inherently bad. But they're also not accessible to most people. If you can afford to spend a year not working and not earning, that's privilege.

Nepo babies describe these experiences casually, as if taking 12 months to backpack through Southeast Asia or intern at a nonprofit in Costa Rica is just what you do. They don't mention that their parents covered rent, flights, and expenses.

Meanwhile, most people spend their gap between high school and college working to save money for tuition.

The experience itself might be valuable. But pretending it's a universal option is tone-deaf.

5) Their first apartment was in an expensive neighborhood they claim they "got lucky" finding

Here's how this usually sounds: "I found this amazing apartment in Venice Beach right after college. I got so lucky with the timing."

What they don't say: their parents cosigned. Or paid the deposit. Or owned the building.

I live in Venice Beach now, and I can tell you the rent here isn't something a recent college grad can swing on an entry-level salary. Not without help.

The "lucky timing" narrative erases financial support. It makes it seem like they hustled and found a deal, when really, they had resources most people don't have.

Real talk: there's no shame in getting help. But there is something off about pretending you didn't.

6) They reference "summer homes" or "the lake house" like it's totally normal

Most families have one house. Some have none.

When someone casually mentions spending summers at their family's place in the Hamptons or talks about "the cabin" like everyone has a secondary property, they're revealing a lot about their baseline normal.

This kind of language shows up in small ways. They'll mention "our place in Aspen" or "the house in Martha's Vineyard" without any awareness that multiple properties is a clear sign of wealth.

I've noticed this particularly in conversations about work-life balance. People will suggest taking a weekend away to decompress, then casually add that they're heading to their family's beach house. As if everyone has that option.

7) They claim to have paid for college themselves, but when pressed, they admit to having "some help"

This is one of the most common ones.

They want credit for being financially independent, so they'll say they paid their own way through school. But if you dig even a little, the story changes.

"Well, my parents covered room and board, but I paid tuition through loans and working." Or "They paid for undergrad, but I'm paying for grad school myself."

That's still significant help. Room and board is often half the cost. Undergrad with no debt means you can take unpaid internships and build your career without the financial pressure most people face.

According to research on financial independence and success outcomes, starting your career without student debt is one of the biggest advantages you can have. It allows you to take risks, pursue passion projects, and build wealth earlier.

When people minimize this support, they're creating a false narrative about their path.

8) Their hobbies are things that require significant financial investment

Listen to what people do in their free time.

Nepo babies often have hobbies that cost serious money: horseback riding, sailing, skiing, collecting art, vintage car restoration. These aren't bad hobbies, but they're not accessible to people on a budget.

When someone treats these activities as casual pastimes rather than luxury hobbies, it reveals their financial baseline.

I got into photography, which definitely required some investment in equipment. But I saved for months and started with entry-level gear. I'm very aware that even my moderately expensive hobby is a privilege.

The difference is awareness. Nepo babies often don't register that their weekend ski trips or yacht club memberships aren't normal.

9) They describe their parents as "really supportive" but never mention financial support

Support comes in many forms, and emotional support is valuable. But when someone constantly credits their parents for "believing in them" without acknowledging that their parents also bankrolled their business or covered their expenses for years, they're telling an incomplete story.

My grandmother raised four kids on a teacher's salary. She was incredibly supportive of me, even driving six hours to bring me soup when I had the flu in college. That's real support, and it mattered enormously.

But she couldn't write me a check to start a business. She couldn't cover my rent while I built my freelance career. The support she gave was emotional and moral, and it was everything she could give.

When nepo babies collapse financial support into vague mentions of parents "being there for them," they're erasing a crucial distinction.

10) They genuinely believe they made it on their own

This might be the biggest sign of all.

It's not that they're lying. They actually believe their success came purely from their talent, work ethic, and determination. They've internalized a narrative where the advantages fade into the background and only the effort remains visible.

Psychologically, this makes sense. We all want to believe we earned what we have. Acknowledging privilege can feel like diminishing our accomplishments.

But success is rarely pure meritocracy. It's talent plus opportunity plus resources plus timing plus luck. The most self-aware people understand that their advantages didn't erase their effort, but they definitely shaped their path.

When someone can't see their advantages at all, it's usually because those advantages have been their normal since birth.

Conclusion

Look, having advantages doesn't make you a bad person. Working hard doesn't become less valuable just because you had help.

The problem is the story we tell about success. When people with significant head starts present themselves as entirely self-made, it creates impossible standards for everyone else. It suggests that if you're not succeeding, you're just not working hard enough.

The truth is more complicated. Success requires effort, sure. But it also requires opportunity, resources, and often, a safety net.

Understanding this isn't about resentment. It's about honesty. When we can accurately assess the role that privilege plays, we give better advice, make better policy, and have more realistic expectations.

So the next time someone tells you they built everything from nothing, listen closely. The details usually tell a different story.