If you've done these 9 things alone, you're stronger than you think

There’s a quiet kind of power that shows up when no one’s clapping. No selfies. No big announcement. Just you and the moment in front of you.

I’ve felt that power at different times in my life. Crossing borders with two suitcases. Sitting in a small São Paulo café, facing the blank page. Saying no when yes would have been easier. Those moments never looked heroic from the outside, yet they built the spine I lean on today.

If you’ve done any of the things below on your own, you’ve trained a kind of strength people can’t see but they can feel. That muscle is real. It holds when life gets heavy.

1. You moved or started fresh without a welcome committee

Landing in a new city where no one knows your name is disorienting. The streets feel too loud, the grocery store layout is confusing, and even buying the right laundry detergent feels like a test.

I remember my first weeks in Malaysia, when small errands took twice as long because I had to learn everything from scratch. Then I did it again in Brazil. And again, after having a baby. New seasons demand new systems.

When you move without a built-in network, you become your own logistics team and cheer squad. You find your coffee spot, you figure out the train map, you learn which neighbor smiles back. It teaches you to trust your adaptability. That trust is strength.

The first friend you make in a new place doesn’t arrive by magic. You made them by showing up.

2. You traveled solo and made your own plan

You didn’t wait for the group chat to align. You booked the ticket, picked the guesthouse, and read the reviews. You walked into a restaurant, asked for a table for one, and enjoyed your meal without hiding behind your phone. I did this often before my daughter was born, and even now I sneak mini solo dates between errands in Itaim Bibi. A short espresso. Ten minutes of quiet. It resets my brain.

There’s a special kind of confidence that comes from navigating without a co-pilot. You learn what you like instead of what the group votes for. You discover that your own company is good company.

As Nelson Mandela wrote, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” The first time you sit alone at a table, you may feel awkward. Then you notice you’re actually at ease. That’s triumph in real time.

3. You ended something that wasn’t working

Leaving a relationship, job, or friendship without a safety net is tough. It’s easier to stay and bargain with your own discomfort. I once left a stable role because the environment didn’t align with my values. No drama, just a clear no. The next month was messy, but I slept better and showed up sweeter with my family. Sometimes strength is the quiet act of choosing the long-term right over the short-term easy.

You don’t need a committee to approve your exit. You need clarity, a plan, and small steps. Pack the first box. Send the email. Block the number. Strength becomes a verb when you act.

4. You said no without explaining it to death

Saying “no” is a full sentence. It took me years to learn this. I used to give long context paragraphs so people wouldn’t think I was rude. Then I became a mother, and time turned precious. My calendar shows what I value, so I started protecting it. If I can’t make a dinner because that hour belongs to bedtime with my daughter, I say, “I can’t do this one. Have fun.” That’s it.

You don’t need to apologize for protecting your energy. You’re not rejecting people. You’re honoring your limits. As Eleanor Roosevelt put it, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” You withdraw that consent the moment you stop over-explaining. 

This is a skill that improves your whole life. It makes space for the yeses that matter.

5. You learned a skill from scratch with no audience

There’s nothing glamorous about the beginner phase. You’re clumsy, slow, and very aware of it. I felt this when I learned to make proper risotto. The first few attempts were gluey. My husband smiled kindly and ordered pizza. I kept going. Same with writing in Portuguese. I wrote bad sentences until they got better.

If you’ve taught yourself anything alone, you’ve exercised patience and consistency. Those two are the real engines of growth. The world loves overnight success, but strength is built in the unposted hours.

Your future self is grateful you kept stirring the pot.

6. You walked yourself into care

Going to the doctor, the therapist, or the lab on your own is its own brand of courage. You’re saying, “I’ll face the data.” I’ve taken myself for bloodwork after a period of exhaustion, and it felt like a grown-up kind of love. Not glamorous, very important. Booking the appointment, showing up, and following through is a short chain of decisions that changes outcomes.

If you’ve ever felt your heart pound in a waiting room and still stayed, that’s strength. You didn’t outsource your wellbeing. You took responsibility for it. You chose facts over avoidance.

One step that quiets anxiety is to:

• Write two questions you’ll ask the provider.
• Decide one action you’ll take after the appointment.

7. You built a routine that no one applauds

My life runs on routine. Weekdays start at 7 a.m., we eat breakfast at the kitchen island, then we walk Matias to work and swing by the market for the meal of the day. After work, we tag-team dinner, bath, story, bottle, sleep, dishes, and then we finally sit. I love this rhythm. It’s the scaffolding that holds our home together during a high-output season.

If you’ve built a routine you can run on your own, you’ve trained discipline. That’s not rigid, it’s freeing. It lets you show up for work, for family, and for yourself without reinventing Tuesday every Tuesday. As Jocko Willink says, “Discipline equals freedom.”

The routine is not the goal. The routine is the tool that keeps your goals alive when life gets noisy.

8. You handled your money with clear eyes

Opening the banking app, looking at the numbers, and deciding what to cut takes courage. It’s so tempting to ignore subscriptions or delay a budget talk with yourself. I grew up with a mix of humble roots and ambition, so I learned early to track cost per use, buy a little better so it lasts, and say no to items that aren’t a strong yes. That mindset still supports our family.

If you’ve paid off a debt alone, built an emergency fund, or automated your investments, you’ve built a backbone most people can’t see. Money clarity reduces background stress. You rest easier because you know what’s true.

A simple ritual helps:

• Money date, same time every week,
• Fifteen minutes only,
• One concrete action.

9. You kept a promise to yourself when no one was watching

Maybe it was a workout, a writing session, a walk, or a screen-free hour. You did it without posting it. This is the hardest and most important one for me. As a competitive person, I love a scoreboard. But the most meaningful changes I’ve made never had public points. They were quiet, consistent choices.

Keeping a promise to yourself builds self-trust. And self-trust changes how you carry yourself everywhere else. You feel steadier with your kids. You negotiate better at work. You leave the restaurant satisfied instead of annoyed that you said yes to dessert when you didn’t want it. Small promises build a life you respect.

One honest promise kept today beats five grand plans abandoned next week.

Final thoughts

Strength isn’t only loud. It’s not only in big leaps or shiny milestones. It’s in the morning you get up and do what matters. It’s in the hour you spend reading while your baby naps, because you promised yourself you would. It’s in the moment you choose truth over comfort.

If you’ve handled any of these nine things on your own, you’ve already built more resilience than you realize. You’ve practiced clear thinking, responsible action, and quiet courage. That’s a form of strength that compounds.

And if you haven’t done some of them yet, pick one and start small. Book the appointment. Open the savings account. Take the solo walk. Sit down to learn the first chapter. Your life expands in these quiet, unfancy ways.

I’m cheering for the person you’re becoming when no one’s looking.