If you’re guilty of these 8 habits in public, you might be the annoying one

I once watched an entire café tense up because one guy took a speakerphone call like he was on stage.

He wasn’t a villain. He just forgot he was sharing space.

We all do it.

If you want fewer eye-rolls and more easy vibes when you’re out in the world, start with these eight small shifts.

1. Loud volume

Let’s start with the obvious.

If your FaceTime call, TikTok feed, or playlist is blasting in a public space, you’re not just “expressing yourself.” You’re hijacking the soundscape.

Volume is social currency. When you crank it, everyone else pays.

Use headphones. Keep calls short. Cup your hand around the mic if you have to take one.

I grew up with tech, so I get the instinct to share a funny clip right now. But there’s a difference between “look at this” and “listen whether you want to or not.”

On a bus or in a café, silence is goodwill. Spend it.

2. Aisle blocking

Ever stop dead at the top of an escalator? Park a cart sideways in a crowded aisle? Stand in a doorway during a conversation?

That little pause creates a traffic jam ten people deep. You don’t see it because it’s behind you.

Quick fix: step to the side, keep right on stairs and sidewalks, and glance over a shoulder before you stop.

It’s the spatial version of being a good listener—make room for a reply.

Travel helps you see this. After a week in Tokyo, where flow is everything, I came home and noticed how often we clog the arteries of public life without meaning to.

When in doubt, tuck in.

3. Phone fixation

We all “phub” without noticing—phone-snubbing the real humans right next to us.

At best, it dulls micro-moments of connection with strangers and service workers.

At worst, it turns you into the person who holds up the line because you didn’t hear your order number called… twice.

If you catch yourself scrolling at the register or inching forward zombie-style, pocket the phone until you’re through the bottleneck. It’s 90 seconds.

This isn’t about moral purity. It’s about attention hygiene.

The person handing you coffee is a person. Look up, say thanks, move on.

4. TMI broadcast

Some conversations belong in a park, not in row 14C.

If strangers now know your coworker’s salary, your neighbor’s breakup details, or your medical results, you’ve crossed into “main character” energy.

Sure, we all vent. But in tight quarters, intimate details turn into secondhand stress.

The fix is simple. Save the debrief until you’re off the train, or lower your voice and keep it general.

I’ve mentioned this before but public spaces work best when we treat them like shared living rooms. Would you shout that into your roommate’s ear? Exactly.

5. Conversational hijacking

Here’s a test. When someone starts a story in a group, do you:

a) ask a question, or b) grab the steering wheel with a bigger, better story of your own?

“Me too” can build rapport—until it becomes “mostly me.”

As Stephen R. Covey put it, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” 

That line stings because it’s true. I still catch myself loading a take while someone else is mid-sentence. The reset is to slow down.

Reflect back what you heard. Ask one curious question. Let them land the plane. You’ll get your turn—and the whole conversation will feel lighter.

6. Messy exits

Leaving a mess in a shared space is like sending everyone else the bill for your time.

I’m vegan and usually eat on the go, so I notice this a lot.

The difference between “thoughtful” and “annoying” is a 15-second clean-up: tissues in the bin, crumbs wiped, chair tucked. If the place is self-bus, bus.

If it’s not, stack plates neatly.

No one remembers the person who left things spotless, but everyone remembers the smoothie spill someone walked away from. Respect is practical, not performative.

7. Rule bending

Cutting lines “just this once.” Sneaking through the closing subway doors while people try to exit. Pretending the “quiet car” sign is a suggestion.

These tiny optimizations look clever from the inside. From the outside, they read as “my time matters more than yours.”

I learned this the hard way at a crowded photo exhibit in L.A. I stepped over the rope to get a clean shot and got a collective eye-roll from the folks who were waiting.

They were right. The best shot wasn’t worth the message it sent.

If a rule exists to keep things fair or safe, honor it. It lowers the temperature of the whole room.

8. Consent blindness

Filming strangers for content. Posting kids who aren’t yours. Taking over a mural or trail overlook for a mini-shoot while others wait.

As a photography nerd, I love candid scenes. But there’s a bright line between documenting a place and turning people into props. Ask. Gesture. Read the room.

And remember, not everyone wants to be online. Period.

Susan Cain once said, “There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” (TED talk) The same logic applies here.

Loud, performative behavior doesn’t make the moment better. Thoughtful, low-impact choices usually do.

A quick gut-check you can use

Before you assume you’re the chill one in public, try this simple loop:

• Will this choice add friction to someone else’s next 30 seconds?

• Am I taking more than my share of sound, space, or attention?

• Would I appreciate this if the roles flipped?

If the answer is “maybe,” choose the smaller move.

Why this matters

Some of the most meaningful choices we make happen in small, unglamorous moments.

Public life is a commons. When you keep your volume down, slide right on the escalator, wait your turn, clean your table, and ask before filming, you lower everyone’s stress. Including your own.

And the fix is beautifully boring—awareness over autopilot.

The pattern is consistent: when we pay attention to our ripple effect, our relationships and our days get easier.

That’s the kind of “self-development” I’ll sign up for any day.

Now, over to you. Which habit do you want to retire on your next outing?