What boomers call polite, younger folks often experience as one more thing to manage.
Crafting social harmony across generations is tricky business.
What one age group calls “good manners,” another calls a headache—and nowhere is that gap wider than between boomers and anyone who grew up swiping instead of dialing.
Below are seven habits that older adults may still see as courteous gestures but that younger people often experience as downright draining.
1. Calling without a heads-up
Remember when the phone ringing out of the blue felt normal?
To many boomers, placing a spontaneous call signals warmth and availability.
For younger folks, it can feel like someone barging through a digital front door without knocking.
“We all have control of our phones and can decide if it’s the right time to answer it,” notes etiquette expert Lizzie Post, urging people to be mindful of the recipient’s flow.
A quick “Got five minutes to talk?” text gives the other person autonomy—something younger generations value as much as oxygen.
If you still love hearing voices, schedule the call or use voice notes; you’ll get the conversation you crave without triggering anyone’s phone anxiety.
2. Popping in unannounced
Boomers grew up in neighborhoods where dropping by with a casserole was peak friendliness.
Today, most people treat their homes as battery-recharge stations—and they guard that downtime fiercely.
When my neighbor’s mom—sweet as pie—showed up while I was juggling a tofu scramble and a Zoom deadline, I welcomed her but silently watched my schedule collapse.
A simple text—“Mind if I swing by at 3?”—respects personal planning apps, nap schedules, and mental-health margins.
Set visits up like mini-meetings: “I’ll come for coffee, stay an hour, and bring pastries.”
Clarity keeps relationships thriving instead of draining.
3. Commenting on personal appearance
“Have you lost weight?” is meant as praise, yet it often lands like a back-handed judgment.
Body-image activist Virgie Tovar calls it out bluntly: “There’s something so presumptuous about the idea that I would want to be something different than I am.”
Younger generations, raised on body-positivity campaigns and mental-health check-ins, prefer compliments on energy, style, or achievements.
Swap “You look thinner!” for “You look happy—what’s new?”
The latter stirs real conversation instead of weight-tracking fatigue.
4. Dishing out unsolicited advice
Boomers often equate advice with affection—“I’m helping because I care.”
But younger adults hear an implied “You’re doing it wrong.”
Psychologist Peter Gray captures the irritation perfectly: “Sometimes we get so overrun by unsolicited advice that even the most innocuous, benevolent advice becomes intolerable.”
Unless someone explicitly asks for guidance, offer empathy first: “That sounds tough—want another perspective or just to vent?”
Permission preserves autonomy and keeps relationships on equal footing.
5. Forwarding chain messages
I’ve mentioned this before but digital clutter drains focus faster than a cracked phone battery.
Forwarded “urgent” prayer chains, inspirational PowerPoints, or joke PDFs feel like inbox graffiti to people who already battle notification overload.
If you genuinely believe an article or meme will resonate, add context: “Thought of your thrift-store obsession—check out the upcycling tip in paragraph two.”
Quality curation beats mass-mail scatter-shots every time.
6. Forcing lengthy small talk
Boomers were taught that easing into business with weather chat shows respect.
Gen Z grew up on Slack threads where a single emoji can stand in for hello.
Before a meeting or call, gauge the room: a five-second “Hey, how’s your week going?” may suffice.
Then pivot: “Cool—so, about the budget…”
Respecting people’s time reads as care, not coldness.
7. Overchecking for replies
“Just following up on my email…”
“Circling back to see if you got my text…”
Older professionals see persistence as diligence; younger colleagues read it as micromanagement.
A good rule: match the communication channel’s natural pacing.
Email? Allow 24 business hours.
Text? Give a few hours unless it’s urgent.
State deadlines up front—“Need your input by Friday”—and you’ll reduce the need for any nudge at all.
The bottom line
Good manners evolve with culture and technology.
If you catch yourself defaulting to a habit that once signaled politeness, ask: “Does this still feel considerate in 2025—or am I just following muscle memory?”
Swapping surprise calls for scheduled chats, advice for curiosity, and persistence for clear expectations keeps energy high on both sides of the generational aisle.
And who knows? When we update our playbook, we might discover that courtesy was never about the habit itself—it was about making the other person feel respected.
Keep experimenting, stay curious, and everyone wins.
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