Earned love as a kid? Discover eight telling adult habits shaped by childhood quests for affection—and learn how to reclaim authentic self-worth today.
Growing up, some of us had to work extra hard to earn affection, always striving to be 'good enough.' Psychology tells us this childhood experience shapes our adult behaviors in unique ways.
I'm going to share with you eight common things people who had to earn love as a child tend to do as adults.
These insights from psychology can help us understand ourselves and others better. It's not about labeling or judging, but about understanding and empathy.
So, let's dive into what these eight things are and how they manifest in our everyday lives.
1) They often strive for perfection
Many of us who grew up feeling like love was something to be earned developed a powerful drive to be perfect.
After all, if we made no mistakes, if we were always the best, then surely we would be deserving of love, right?
Psychology tells us that this mindset tends to carry over into adulthood. We find ourselves constantly striving, pushing, aiming for that elusive ideal of perfection.
We're always working hard, always trying to exceed expectations, whether at work or in our personal lives.
But remember, it's crucial to balance this drive with self-compassion and understanding. It's okay not to be perfect. You are deserving of love just as you are.
This understanding can help us navigate our lives with a little more kindness towards ourselves and others who share similar experiences.
2) We may struggle with vulnerability
As someone who had to earn affection as a child, I can tell you that revealing our true feelings can feel like a monumental task.
In my experience, it was always easier to wear a mask of competency and strength rather than show my vulnerability.
Why? Because showing our 'weaknesses' could mean losing that hard-earned love. This fear often carries over into adulthood, making opening up to others a real challenge.
But over time, I've learned that true connections are made when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. It's not easy, but the reward of genuine, heartfelt relationships makes it worth the effort.
It's a journey, but acknowledging this tendency is the first step towards fostering deeper connections with the people we care about.
3) We tend to be over-achievers
In a bid to earn love and validation, many of us who had to work for affection as children often become over-achievers.
In fact, adults who lacked parental warmth in their childhood are more likely to push themselves harder in their careers and academic pursuits.
This intense drive to succeed can lead us to accomplish great things. However, it's equally important to recognize when we're pushing ourselves too hard and learn to take a step back for our mental and physical health.
Remember, it's okay to slow down sometimes. Life isn't a race; it's a journey to be savored.
4) We may have difficulty trusting others
Trust is often a tricky thing for those of us who had to earn love as children.
When you grow up feeling that love is conditional, it can be hard to believe that someone could love you for who you are, flaws and all. This fear of rejection can make us cautious about opening up and trusting others.
As adults, this can manifest in our relationships as skepticism, doubts, and fears. Building trust takes time and patience, but it's an essential ingredient for healthy relationships.
It's crucial to remember that everyone deserves to be loved just as they are. Opening up to this belief can help develop trust in our relationships and foster deeper connections with those around us.
5) We often feel the need to prove ourselves
For those of us who had to earn love as children, there can be this lingering feeling that we need to prove ourselves.
We may feel a constant need to show that we're worthy of love, appreciation, and respect. This can often lead us to overextend ourselves, always saying yes, and taking on more than we can handle.
But here's a heartfelt reminder: You don't have to prove your worth to anyone. You are enough, just as you are.
Understanding this can help alleviate the pressure we put on ourselves and allow us to live more authentically. We all have inherent value and deserve to be loved without conditions or qualifications.
6) We may struggle with self-love
Cultivating self-love can feel like a steep uphill climb when you've grown up feeling like love is something to be earned. I've often found myself battling with self-doubt and negative self-talk, undermining my own worthiness.
In the journey to self-love, it's been crucial to remind myself that everyone has intrinsic value, including me. This means we are all deserving of love and kindness - not because of what we do or achieve, but simply because of who we are.
Embracing self-love isn't an overnight process. It's an ongoing journey that takes patience and grace, but it's one worth embarking on for our emotional well-being and self-respect.
7) We are often highly empathetic
Growing up with a need to earn love can often lead to a heightened sense of empathy.
We become attuned to the emotions and needs of those around us, as we had to be aware of these things in order to secure love and approval in our childhood.
This heightened empathy can make us great listeners and friends, as we truly understand and feel what others are going through.
While this trait is a beautiful one, it's essential to also set boundaries for our emotional health, ensuring that while we empathize with others, we don't neglect our own needs and feelings.
8) We are resilient
Above all else, those of us who had to earn love in our childhood possess an incredible resilience.
We've faced challenges and learned to adapt. We've developed strength and perseverance that carry us through life's trials.
This resilience is a testament to our ability to overcome and grow, shaping us into the strong individuals we are today. It's a characteristic that we should not only acknowledge but also celebrate.
Remember, your past may have shaped you, but it doesn't define you. Each day presents a new opportunity to grow, learn, and redefine who we are.
