I asked a high society woman how to dress like old money and these 9 tips say it all

A few months ago, at a quiet dinner in Jardins, I asked a woman I admire to explain the quiet elegance I kept noticing among her friends.

She smiled, took a sip of her wine, and said, “It is not a secret. It is a set of small choices.”

As a working mom who loves efficiency, that sentence clicked. I do not have time for complicated routines. I want a repeatable system I can use for school drop-offs, date nights, and long flights to see family in Santiago.

Here is what I learned and how I have put it into practice.

1. Start with fabric, not logos

She told me to touch before I look.

Wool that springs back. Cotton that feels cool. Linen with a tight weave. When the fabric is right, the piece looks expensive even if no one knows the label.

I tested this rule at a mall in São Paulo and walked out with two items that had no visible branding, yet they are the ones I reach for most.

A simple test helps. Hold the garment up to the light and crumple the edge in your hand. Does it recover fast, or does it stay crushed and sad. The answer will tell you more than the price tag ever will.

2. Keep your palette calm and repeatable

“Pick your notes and play them often,” she said.

I built a color script that works with my skin and my life: navy, cream, camel, black, olive. Getting dressed feels like cooking a favorite recipe. You already know the ingredients will go together.

Does it get boring. Not if you vary texture. A cream silk blouse next to a camel knit looks rich because the surfaces talk to each other.

On weekdays I grab navy trousers, a white tee, and loafers, then add one accent like a slim gold hoop or a scarf from a trip. Predictable in the best way.

3. Prioritize fit, then tailor the rest

Nothing screams “new money” like a pricey piece that clearly does not fit. Old money style looks like the clothes were made for you, even when they were not.

I learned my key measurements and now I check shoulder seams, rise, and sleeve length before I look at anything else.

I also made friends with a local tailor. We shortened trouser hems for flats and nipped a blazer at the waist. Small changes, big payoff. The silhouette becomes clean, like sharpening a pencil.

As Coco Chanel put it, “Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.” I repeat that line when I am tempted by something fussy.

4. Curate a few quiet signatures

Old money style is less about the outfit and more about the continuity of your choices.

Think of one or two signatures you can commit to for years. Mine are short red nails and small diamond studs I bought after a big work milestone. Even on days when I am chasing my one year old around the living room, those nails and studs make me feel put together.

Your signatures might be tortoiseshell sunglasses, a leather belt with no logo, or a shoulder-length haircut that air-dries well. These details become your visual shorthand.

The goal is not to be noticed. The goal is to be recognizable.

5. Buy fewer, better, and calculate cost per wear

This tip saved my budget and my closet. If a pair of loafers costs more upfront but you will wear them three times a week for two years, they are cheaper than the trendy shoe that falls apart.

I write a quick mental math on the bus home from the supermarket with Emilia in her stroller. Will I wear this thirty times. If the answer is no, it stays in the store.

Designer Vivienne Westwood said, “Buy less, choose well, make it last.” That sentence lives on a sticky note inside my wardrobe door. It helps me ignore flash sales and focus on longevity.

6. Make grooming look effortless

Nothing flashy, everything consistent. For me that means a shoulder-length cut I can blow-dry fast, a four-step skincare routine, and elegant flats I can walk in all day.

Lash extensions save me time, and a neutral makeup palette keeps decisions simple. When life is full and rest is short, maintenance has to be realistic.

At night, after Emilia’s bath and story, I reset my bag for the next day and hang the next outfit on a hook. Tiny systems keep mornings smooth.

I feel calmer, which somehow makes any outfit feel more expensive. Confidence is quiet, and it reads as taste.

7. Embrace uniform dressing for weekdays

Uniforms are not boring. They are a productivity tool. Mine is a rotation of tailored trousers, tees in white or stripes, and cardigans or blazers depending on the weather.

The silhouette stays the same, the pieces change. In Central Asia, my aunties used to lay out outfits the night before. I realize I am doing the same thing, with a São Paulo twist.

A uniform also helps you spot true gaps. If you wear trousers daily, you will notice if you lack a perfect belt or weatherproof flats. Fill those gaps slowly. Your closet becomes a toolkit, not a museum.

8. Let quiet accessories do the heavy lifting

When I first stepped into higher-society events here, I noticed the bags were understated.

Soft leather, minimal hardware, handles that hold their shape. Jewelry was delicate in the daytime and structured in the evening. Scarves showed up in smart ways, tied to a bag handle or layered under a coat.

I now keep a small tray by the mirror with a watch, two pairs of earrings, and one silk scarf from a market in Santiago. I choose one or two pieces and stop. As stylist Rachel Zoe has said, “Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” Accessories whisper that message.

9. Practice discretion like an art

This was her final tip, and it surprised me. Discretion is part of the look. No loud labels, no bragging about deals, no listing the exact model number of a bag over dinner.

You let the quality talk. You also carry yourself with kindness, which somehow makes the clothes look better.

I am naturally chatty, but I have learned to edit. Fewer details, more presence. When I meet other parents at playgroup, I compliment a fabric or a color instead of asking where something is from.

It keeps the exchange warm and easy. Old money style is as much about social grace as it is about clothes.

How I put this into my life without losing my mind

Here is my weekly rhythm. On Sunday afternoon, while Emilia naps and Matias watches a Formula 1 highlight, I review the weather and rough plan.

I pull five outfits that follow my uniform template, then I add one wild card for a dinner date. I check shoes for scuffs and set aside anything that needs a quick repair. Ten minutes, tops.

During the week, I stick to my palette and lean on fit. I do not chase trends. I do not panic about repeating a look. If I get the urge to shop, I take a fabric-first walk through a store and practice saying no.

The discipline feels good, like choosing a nourishing lunch over a sugar rush.

A few extra notes on context and culture

Living across continents taught me that elegance is local, but principles travel well.

In Central Asia, tailoring and good wool coats carried the day. In Malaysia, breathable fabrics mattered most. In Brazil, there is a playful ease that I love, so I swap in soft textures and lighter colors when the sun demands it.

The core ideas stay the same.

I also remind myself that life has seasons. Right now we are in the toddler season, which means flats that do not slow me down and bags that hold snacks.

Old money style is not uptight. It is practical and calm. That is why it works for a busy home.

Quick starter list if you want to try this

If you want a nudge, start here. One tailored blazer that fits your shoulders. One pair of trousers in navy or black. Two tees in heavy cotton. One silk blouse. One pair of loafers. One pair of low heels if you wear them. A leather belt without logos. A simple watch. A bag that sits upright when you put it down. Washable knitwear you can dress up or down.

Then build slowly. Replace, do not hoard. Keep what earns its space. You will feel lighter, and you will look like you did it on purpose.

Final thoughts

The old money look is not magic. It is a habit loop. Fabric first, calm palette, clean fit, quiet signatures, fewer better things, realistic grooming, weekday uniforms, understated accessories, and daily discretion.

That is the recipe I got from a woman who lives it with ease. I tested it in my own messy, lovely life, and it holds.

Elegance is not a finish line. It is a rhythm you can keep even on the busiest Tuesday. If you try these tips, give them a few weeks. Your closet will get quieter.

Your mornings will speed up. Most important, you will feel like yourself, just more polished.