If you’ve recovered from any of these 7 setbacks, you’re mentally stronger than most people

We talk a lot about mental strength like it’s something you’re either born with or not.

But that’s not how it works.

Mental strength gets built in the trenches—usually in silence—when you’re dealing with the stuff that nobody claps for. The truth is, some of the strongest people you’ll ever meet are quietly carrying experiences you’d never guess just by looking at them.

Here are seven setbacks that test your core. If you’ve made it through even one of these, chances are, you’re mentally stronger than you think—and probably stronger than most people you know.

1. Rebuilding after failure that everyone saw

There’s a specific kind of sting that comes with failing publicly.

A business that collapsed. A relationship that exploded in front of friends. A goal you hyped up that never materialized.

It’s not just disappointment — it’s embarrassment, vulnerability, and shame all rolled into one.

I went through this a few years ago with a creative project I had poured months into. I’d talked about it on social media, in conversations, even had a mini launch plan. Then… crickets. The project flopped. And I had to face that wave of, “So, what happened with that thing you were doing?”

Psychologist Guy Winch refers to this kind of failure as a social ego wound. And it’s brutal. Because you’re not just managing your own inner critic—you’re navigating the imagined (and sometimes real) judgments of others.

But here’s the mental strength part: if you can get back up, course-correct, and keep putting yourself out there after a crash like that?

You’ve got grit most people never develop. You learn that your identity isn’t tied to any one outcome. You get back your power.

2. Letting go of a toxic relationship—even if you loved them

Ending a toxic relationship—especially one where love or history is involved—might be one of the most emotionally disorienting things a person can go through.

Because it’s not just about walking away. It’s about untangling your sense of self from a dynamic that may have slowly chipped away at your self-worth. It’s choosing short-term heartbreak over long-term damage. That takes serious mental fortitude.

According to therapist and trauma expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula, leaving a toxic relationship is like breaking an addiction. That's because your brain is wired to go back, even when you know better.

So if you’ve had the clarity, courage, and consistency to walk away — and stay away — you’ve exercised a level of discipline and self-preservation that many never reach. You’ve prioritized peace over familiarity. And that’s strength.

3. Starting over in a new place, job, or field with no safety net

It’s romantic in theory—just pack up, take a leap, reinvent your life. But in real life? Starting over is messy, scary, and filled with what-the-hell-am-I-doing moments.

Maybe you moved to a new city without knowing anyone.

Maybe you switched careers and had to learn a whole new language (literally or metaphorically).

Or maybe you left something secure because your soul was dying a little every day.

Whatever it was, rebuilding from scratch with no backup plan forces you to confront parts of yourself you didn’t even know existed. You deal with rejection, loneliness, financial stress, imposter syndrome — aand you keep showing up anyway.

Mental strength doesn’t always look like domination. Sometimes it’s just refusing to quit when nobody’s cheering yet.

4. Being the first in your family to do something new

First-generation college students. First to get therapy. First to start a business. First to travel. First to set boundaries. First to unlearn unhealthy patterns.

Being “the first” in any of those areas is its own kind of setback—because you’re not just figuring things out for yourself. You’re breaking cycles, navigating pushback, and often dealing with guilt that comes from growing in ways your family didn’t.

I’ve mentioned this before, but being the first to prioritize mental health in my family felt lonely at first. Like I was betraying some invisible rulebook. I’ve had friends describe similar experiences when choosing a different career path or parenting style.

Dr. Thema Bryant, a psychologist and president of the American Psychological Association, puts it well: "Refuse to inherit dysfunction. Learn new ways of living instead of repeating what you lived through."

If you’ve had to carry the emotional weight of forging a new path without a map, you’ve already proven your resilience.

5. Getting back up after a personal betrayal

There’s almost nothing that cuts deeper than being betrayed by someone you trusted—especially if that trust was unconditional.

It can be a friend who turned on you. A partner who lied. A family member who weaponized something you shared in confidence. These experiences shake your worldview. They make you question your judgment, your intuition, even your worth.

The road back is hard. You have to rebuild your belief in people without becoming bitter. You have to forgive—not necessarily them, but yourself—for missing the red flags or staying too long. And eventually, you have to risk trusting again.

If you’ve done that?

You’ve shown an elite level of psychological flexibility. That’s a real term, by the way — researcher Steven Hayes defines it as the ability to stay open, adapt, and commit to values-driven action in the face of pain.

And it’s one of the top predictors of long-term mental health.

6. Living through a stretch where nothing seemed to go right

There’s a special kind of mental drain that happens when setbacks pile up.

Not one big dramatic event, but a string of them.

Rejections. Bills. Health scares. Miscommunications. Delays.

All layered on top of each other like some twisted version of Jenga.

During times like that, it’s easy to believe the lie that things will never get better. That you’re cursed, doomed, or just permanently stuck. I’ve been there. There was a six-month stretch in my life where it felt like every system—career, relationships, health—glitched at the same time.

The fact that you kept going, even when you didn’t feel like it, even when the motivation ran dry—that’s strength. Mental toughness isn’t always loud or visible.

Sometimes it’s invisible persistence. The kind that says, “I don’t know how this ends, but I’m not giving up today.”

7. Admitting you needed help and asking for it

You’d think asking for help would be easy. It’s not.

In a world that worships self-sufficiency and glorifies hustle, reaching out can feel like failure. Like weakness. But it’s not. It’s one of the most courageous acts you can take — especially when your pride is screaming at you to stay quiet.

Needing help doesn’t make you needy. It makes you human.

People who are mentally strong don’t power through everything alone. They recognize when white-knuckling is doing more harm than good. They call a friend. Book the therapy session. Join the support group. And they don’t wait until they’ve totally unraveled to do it.

If you’ve ever swallowed your pride and reached out when it mattered—whether anyone saw it or not—you’ve done something many never will.

The bottom line

Mental strength doesn’t always look like lifting heavy things or giving motivational speeches.

Sometimes, it looks like silence. Like slow healing. Like setting a quiet boundary or restarting your life without fanfare.

If you’ve made it through any of these setbacks, don’t underestimate what that says about you. You’re already carrying strength that can’t be seen—but can be felt in how you keep showing up.

Remember, there’s no scoreboard for resilience; the wins are internal.

Every time you move forward after a public failure or choose peace over a familiar mess, you’re re-wiring your brain to expect solutions instead of catastrophe.

That shift amplifies over time, turning setbacks into training grounds rather than tombstones.

Own it, draw on it, and keep walking.

Your story isn’t about the fall — it’s about the way you get up, dust off, and carve a wiser path forward every single time.