If you're tired of not being taken seriously, these 8 everyday conversation mistakes could be the reason—and here's how to fix each one.
A few years ago, I walked out of a client meeting frustrated but not surprised.
I had shared an idea I’d been working on for weeks—solid research, clear reasoning—and it was politely nodded at, then promptly dismissed. Five minutes later, someone else repackaged the same idea in more confident language. And suddenly, it was “brilliant.”
That wasn’t the first time I felt invisible in a room full of voices. But it was the moment I started to get curious.
What were confident, respected people doing differently in conversations? What made someone instantly credible while others struggled to be heard?
I started watching more closely—not just at work, but everywhere. At the market. At volunteer events.
On long walks with friends. And I began to notice patterns. Subtle habits that quietly shaped how people were perceived. Mistakes that, once spotted, could be unlearned.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation feeling dismissed, overlooked, or underestimated, this list is for you. Here are 8 common mistakes that might be costing you respect—and what to do instead.
1. You downplay your own opinions before you speak
Ever start a sentence with, “This might be a dumb idea, but…” or “I don’t know if this makes sense…”?
That’s a signal. Not just to others—but to yourself.
When you lead with self-doubt, people take your cue and tune out. It’s like saying, “Feel free to disregard this—it’s probably not important.”
I used to do this constantly. I thought it made me humble. But in practice, it made my ideas easier to overlook.
Try this instead: Cut the preamble. Just say what you think. You can always soften your tone later—but let your words stand first.
2. You over-explain yourself
Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that we have to justify every decision. So we pile on context, backstory, disclaimers—hoping people won’t think we’re wrong, selfish, or unqualified.
But here’s the truth: over-explaining signals insecurity. And ironically, it makes people trust you less, not more.
I’ve learned that confident people don’t make their case three times. They make it once—clearly—and let it land.
Try this instead: When stating a boundary or decision, be concise. “I won’t be available for that project.” You don’t owe a monologue. Just a sentence is enough.
3. You use too many filler words
We all do it. “Like,” “um,” “you know,” “I guess.”
Filler words are normal in casual speech. But when they show up constantly, they dilute your message. They make you sound uncertain—even when your point is strong.
A few years ago, I recorded myself during a phone interview. I couldn’t believe how often I said “just” and “maybe.” Once I heard it, I couldn’t un-hear it.
Try this instead: Practice short pauses. They feel awkward at first—but silence is powerful. It shows you’re thinking. It gives your words room to breathe.
4. You apologize for taking up space
You bump into someone and say, “Sorry.” You ask a question and say, “Sorry to bother you.” You enter a group conversation and lead with, “Sorry, I just wanted to add…”
Over time, this constant apologizing chips away at how people perceive you—and how you perceive yourself.
As I’ve written before, over-apologizing often comes from childhood messages. But it’s not your fault. And it’s something you can unlearn.
Try this instead: Replace “Sorry I’m late” with “Thanks for waiting.” Replace “Sorry to interrupt” with “Can I add something here?” You’re not a disruption. You’re part of the conversation.
5. You rush through your point
When nerves kick in, speed follows. You talk fast to “get it over with.” But the effect is the opposite of what you want.
Rushed speech makes people feel like what you’re saying isn’t worth slowing down for. It signals anxiety, not authority.
Think about the last time someone explained something to you calmly, with pauses.
Didn’t you naturally lean in and trust them more?
Try this instead: Take a breath between ideas. Use intentional pacing. Give your words weight by allowing them to land before moving on.
6. You hedge too much with weak language
“I was kind of thinking maybe we could possibly try…”
“I’m not sure, but I sort of feel like…”
Sound familiar?
Hedging is the habit of weakening your own words with vague modifiers. It’s a form of self-protection—if the idea gets shot down, at least you didn’t fully commit.
But hedging makes it hard for others to take you seriously.
If you don’t stand behind your idea, why should they?
Try this instead: Choose clear, direct language. “Let’s try this.” “I believe this could work.” Even if you’re unsure, speak with clarity. You can always invite discussion after.
7. You don’t make eye contact or own your body language
You could be saying the smartest thing in the room—but if your body language says, “I’m not sure I should be here,” people pick up on that.
Slouched posture. Eyes darting down. Fidgeting. These are subtle cues that erode the message.
Back when I worked in finance, I’d watch junior analysts pitch ideas while practically shrinking in their chairs. Meanwhile, someone with less data but more poise would get the green light.
Try this instead: Ground your feet. Sit or stand tall. Look people in the eye—especially when making your key point. Your body should agree with your words.
8. You try too hard to be liked
This one stings, because I lived it for years.
I thought if I was warm, agreeable, always flexible, people would respect me. But “likable” doesn’t equal “credible.” In fact, trying too hard to please can make you seem less trustworthy—like you’re hiding what you really think.
Confident people don’t try to win everyone over. They stand in their truth—even if it’s uncomfortable.
Try this instead: Ask yourself, “Am I saying this to be liked, or to be clear?” Respect grows when people know where you stand—not when they know you’ll always nod along.
Final thoughts
Here’s the good news: none of these mistakes are permanent. They’re habits. And habits can be changed.
Start small. Pick one behavior you notice in yourself. Maybe it’s hedging. Maybe it’s rushing. Maybe it’s saying “sorry” ten times a day.
Track it for a week. Catch it. Pause. Replace it.
You don’t have to bulldoze your way into being “taken seriously.” You don’t have to fake arrogance or abandon warmth.
All you have to do is to stop giving away your own authority before the conversation even begins.
Because people take cues from you. If you speak like your words matter, they’ll start to listen like they do.
And trust me: they do.
