8 things Boomers consider polite that Gen Z views as completely outdated

And I've noticed something fascinating: behaviors that one generation considers the height of politeness can strike another generation as awkward, outdated, or even intrusive.

Neither side is wrong, exactly. They're operating from different social frameworks shaped by vastly different technological and cultural contexts.

Boomers grew up in a world of face-to-face interaction, phone calls, and written letters. Gen Z grew up with smartphones, social media, and the ability to control exactly when and how they engage with others.

These different contexts have created completely different ideas about what constitutes polite behavior.

Today, I want to explore eight things that Boomers consider polite—even essential—that Gen Z finds completely outdated. Understanding these differences isn't just interesting; it's crucial for navigating an increasingly multi-generational world.

1) Making unannounced phone calls

For Boomers, picking up the phone and calling someone is the polite, personal way to communicate.

It shows you care enough to have a real conversation. It's more thoughtful than a text. It's how you stay connected with people you care about.

For Gen Z? An unexpected phone call is practically an act of aggression.

They view unannounced calls as intrusive and inconsiderate. You're demanding someone's immediate attention without asking if it's a good time. You're interrupting whatever they're doing and forcing them to respond in real-time.

Gen Z strongly prefers text-based communication that they can respond to when convenient. If a phone call is necessary, the polite thing is to text first and ask if now is a good time to talk.

This isn't about being antisocial—it's about respecting boundaries and agency over one's time and attention.

I've experienced this firsthand in my media business. Younger team members have explicitly told me they find unexpected calls stressful, while older colleagues see texting as impersonal or lazy.

Understanding this difference can save a lot of generational tension.

2) Showing up early as a sign of respect

Boomers were taught that arriving early shows respect, enthusiasm, and professionalism.

If you're not fifteen minutes early, you're late. Showing up right on time is cutting it close. Early arrival demonstrates you value the other person's time and take the commitment seriously.

But Gen Z sees this differently—especially for social gatherings.

Arriving early to someone's home can feel intrusive. The host might still be preparing. They're not ready for guests yet. You've put them in an awkward position where they have to entertain you before they're ready.

For Gen Z, the polite thing is to arrive right on time or even a few minutes late for casual gatherings. It gives the host breathing room and shows you respect their preparation time.

For professional settings, Gen Z still values punctuality, but "on time" means on time—not twenty minutes early.

This reflects a broader shift toward respecting boundaries and not imposing on others' time, even with supposedly good intentions.

3) Maintaining eye contact throughout conversations

Boomers were taught that constant eye contact shows you're listening, engaged, and trustworthy.

Looking away or checking your phone during a conversation is disrespectful. Direct, sustained eye contact is the foundation of polite interaction.

Gen Z finds intense, unbroken eye contact uncomfortable and even aggressive.

They're more comfortable with casual, intermittent eye contact mixed with looking at other things. They might glance at their phone briefly during conversation—not because they're not listening, but because they're comfortable with that level of multitasking.

In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How to Live with Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore different cultural approaches to communication and respect. What's interesting is that Gen Z's approach actually aligns more closely with some Eastern cultures that don't emphasize constant eye contact the way Western Boomer culture does.

This isn't rudeness—it's a different understanding of what attentiveness looks like.

4) Writing thank-you notes for everything

Boomers consider handwritten thank-you notes the gold standard of politeness.

Someone gives you a gift? Send a thank-you note. Someone hosts you for dinner? Thank-you note. Someone does you a favor? You guessed it—thank-you note.

It's thoughtful, personal, and shows you took time to express gratitude properly.

Gen Z thinks this is unnecessary and kind of weird.

They've already thanked you in person. They've probably sent a follow-up text expressing appreciation. Why does there need to be a formal written letter acknowledging something that's already been acknowledged?

For Gen Z, immediate, direct communication of gratitude is sufficient and more authentic. A heartfelt text or voice message feels more genuine than a formulaic handwritten note that follows social obligation rather than spontaneous appreciation.

They're not ungrateful—they just express gratitude differently, in ways that feel more immediate and less performative.

The exception? For major gifts or significant gestures, some Gen Z will write notes. But for everyday kindnesses, a sincere text is plenty.

5) Using formal titles and last names until invited to do otherwise

Boomers were raised with clear hierarchies and formal address.

You call adults "Mr." or "Mrs." until they explicitly tell you to use their first name. You address professionals by their titles—Doctor, Professor, Reverend. This formality shows respect for authority, age, and expertise.

Gen Z finds this stuffy and unnecessarily hierarchical.

They default to first names for almost everyone, regardless of age or position. They view excessive formality as creating unnecessary distance and reinforcing outdated power structures.

For Gen Z, respect is shown through actions and genuine consideration, not through formal titles. They'd rather have authentic, egalitarian interaction than hierarchical politeness rituals.

This extends to professional settings too. Gen Z is far more comfortable addressing senior colleagues or even executives by first name from the beginning.

Living and working across different cultures in Asia, I've noticed this is particularly pronounced. Gen Z in Western contexts has largely abandoned formality that remains standard in more traditional cultures—creating interesting cross-cultural dynamics.

6) Staying at social events until the end

For Boomers, leaving a party or gathering early is rude.

You committed to attending, so you should stay for the whole event. Leaving early suggests you're not enjoying yourself or that you have something better to do. It's disrespectful to the host.

You definitely don't leave without saying elaborate goodbyes to everyone, thanking the host profusely, and explaining why you have to go.

Gen Z has completely different expectations.

They might show up, stay for a reasonable amount of time, and then leave when they're ready—sometimes without fanfare. They've even coined terms like "Irish goodbye" or "French exit" for leaving without making a big deal of it.

For Gen Z, it's more polite to leave quietly than to disrupt the event with extended goodbyes. They've attended, shown support, and now they're managing their energy and time boundaries.

They also don't feel obligated to stay somewhere they're not enjoying. Life is too short, and authentic presence for a shorter time feels better than forced presence for longer.

This reflects Gen Z's broader emphasis on mental health, energy management, and not forcing themselves into situations that drain them just to meet social obligations.

7) Asking permission before taking or posting photos

Wait, shouldn't everyone ask before posting photos of others?

Here's where it gets interesting: Boomers and Gen Z actually agree that consent matters, but they have completely different ideas about how it works.

Boomers think it's polite to take photos at gatherings and share them—that's documenting memories and including people. If someone doesn't want their photo taken, they'll say something.

Gen Z believes you should ask before taking someone's photo, and definitely before posting it anywhere online. They're extremely conscious of digital footprints, privacy, and the permanence of online content.

For Gen Z, posting photos of someone without explicit permission is a violation, even if the photos are flattering. People should control their own image and digital presence.

They're also more likely to ask friends to delete or untag photos if they don't like how they look—which Boomers often view as vain or oversensitive.

But Gen Z sees this as basic respect for autonomy and privacy in a digital age where everything is permanent and searchable.

8) Giving advice freely as a sign of caring

When Boomers care about someone, they offer advice.

You share a problem, and they tell you what you should do. They draw on their experience and wisdom to guide you. This is how they show they care—by actively trying to help you solve your problems.

Not offering advice when someone's struggling would feel neglectful, like you don't care enough to help.

Gen Z finds unsolicited advice patronizing and dismissive.

When they share something, they're often not looking for solutions—they're looking for validation, empathy, and someone to listen. They want to be heard, not fixed.

Gen Z has popularized phrases like "I'm not looking for advice, I just need to vent" specifically because they're tired of automatically receiving solutions when they share struggles.

For Gen Z, the polite response to someone sharing a problem is: "That sounds really hard. Do you want advice, or do you just need someone to listen?"

This respects the person's agency to determine what kind of support they need, rather than assuming you know better.

Through my work exploring Buddhist principles, I've found this actually aligns with concepts of deep listening and non-attachment. Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply bearing witness to someone's experience without trying to change or fix it.

Bridging the generational divide

These differences aren't just interesting observations—they're creating real friction in families, workplaces, and social situations.

Boomers feel disrespected by Gen Z's casual communication, boundary-setting, and rejection of traditional politeness rituals. They interpret these behaviors as rudeness, entitlement, or lack of social skills.

Gen Z feels constrained and disrespected by Boomer expectations that they see as invasive, hierarchical, and out of touch with modern realities. They interpret traditional politeness as performative, inauthentic, and sometimes controlling.

Both generations are operating from genuine intentions to be respectful—they just have completely different definitions of what respect looks like.

So how do we bridge this gap?

First, by recognizing that neither approach is objectively right or wrong. They're different communication styles shaped by different contexts.

Second, by practicing what I call "code-switching"—adapting your communication style based on who you're interacting with and what they're likely to interpret as respectful.

If you're Gen Z interacting with Boomers: consider that some traditional gestures (phone calls, thank-you notes, formal goodbyes) will be deeply appreciated, even if they feel unnecessary to you.

If you're a Boomer interacting with Gen Z: understand that texting first before calling, respecting their time boundaries, and asking before giving advice aren't signs of disrespect—they're this generation's way of showing consideration.

In Hidden Secrets of Buddhism, I discuss the principle of skillful action—adapting your approach based on the situation and the people involved. This applies perfectly to generational communication.

The goal isn't to force everyone into one standard of politeness. It's to recognize that respect can look different across generations, and to extend grace when someone's version of politeness doesn't match your own.

We're living in a unique historical moment where multiple generations with vastly different formative experiences are trying to coexist and communicate. That requires flexibility, curiosity, and willingness to see good intentions even when the execution looks completely foreign.

Understanding these differences doesn't mean abandoning your own values. It means recognizing that your way isn't the only way—and that the younger generation isn't necessarily ruder, just different.

And that difference? It's what keeps our culture evolving.