8 cringey things people do on first dates without realizing it

First dates can be awkward, no doubt about it.

You’re trying to make a good impression while also decoding the other person’s vibe, navigating small talk, and pretending you don’t care too much about the spinach in your teeth.

But here’s the thing—while most of us think we’re putting our best foot forward, there are a few behaviors that can quietly sabotage how we come across. And the worst part? We often don’t even realize we’re doing them.

So, if you’ve ever walked away from a first date wondering why things didn’t click, it might be time for a little self-check.

Let’s get into it.

1. Turning it into a therapy session

It starts innocently enough—maybe you mention a recent breakup, a stressful job, or your complicated relationship with your parents. But before you know it, the date has turned into an emotional download that leaves the other person feeling more like a counselor than a companion.

Vulnerability has its place. But on a first date? Boundaries matter.

You want to share, not unload. If you catch yourself oversharing personal trauma or diving deep into unresolved emotional territory, ask yourself: Would I feel comfortable hearing this from someone I just met?

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist, once said: “Vulnerability is powerful, but timing is everything.” Save the heavy stuff for when there’s some trust built.

2. Acting like you're interviewing them for a job

“So, where do you see yourself in five years?”

Look, curiosity is great. But grilling someone like you’re screening them for a promotion isn’t exactly the best way to spark romance.

There’s a fine line between being genuinely interested and making someone feel interrogated. When the conversation becomes too rapid-fire—What do you do? Do you want kids? Are you close with your family?—it stops being a connection and starts feeling like a test.

A helpful reframe? Instead of ticking off a mental checklist, try asking questions that invite stories. “What’s something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet?” will get you way further than “Do you own or rent?”

3. Talking way too much about yourself

This one’s a classic.

When nerves kick in, some people overcompensate by dominating the conversation. They share every detail about their job, their hobbies, their ex, their dog’s sleep schedule... and completely forget to ask a single follow-up question.

The irony? Most people don’t realize they’re doing it.

I once had a client who swore she was a great listener. But when we role-played a mock first date, she spent 90% of the time talking about herself. When I asked her if she noticed that, she was stunned.

Want to be more self-aware? Make it a rule to ask at least one open-ended question for every story you share. It’s a subtle way to keep things balanced and show genuine interest.

4. Needing the other person to validate your worth

First dates aren’t performance reviews. But some people unconsciously treat them that way—fishing for compliments, name-dropping achievements, or subtly seeking approval for everything they say.

This often stems from a deeper need to be liked or seen as “enough.” But the more you seek external validation, the more you signal internal insecurity.

Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera notes, “When we seek constant reassurance, we abandon our own inner knowing.” That’s powerful—and true.

Remember: you’re not on trial. You’re there to connect, not impress. Confidence isn't about proving you're worthy—it's about knowing it without needing someone else to say so.

5. Overscheduling the date like it’s a strategic operation

Dinner at 7. Movie at 9:15. Drinks after. Maybe even a walk?

Sounds sweet in theory—but in practice, it can feel overwhelming.

Packing too much into one evening puts pressure on both of you to perform and stay engaged for hours. And if things aren’t flowing naturally, you’re stuck navigating an itinerary you might regret.

I always suggest keeping first dates short and sweet. A coffee or a casual drink gives you enough time to gauge the vibe without overcommitting. If there’s a spark, there’ll be time for round two. And if not? You both walk away with your dignity and energy intact.

6. Being way too negative

Whether it’s ranting about politics, complaining about your ex, or lamenting your coworker’s lack of hygiene—negativity is a major vibe killer.

Sure, it’s human to have opinions and frustrations. But when you lead with complaints or sarcasm, you might unintentionally come off as bitter or closed off.

Positivity isn’t about being fake—it’s about being open. A date is about building a new connection, not rehashing what’s gone wrong in the past.

A little emotional intelligence goes a long way here. As author and coach Vanessa Van Edwards notes, “People remember how you make them feel. If your presence lifts their energy, they’re more likely to want to see you again.”

7. Checking your phone like it’s part of the conversation

I get it. Sometimes you're just checking the time. Or maybe you got a message from your sister. But here’s the thing: even a quick glance at your screen can send the signal that you’re not fully present.

We live in a world of constant digital distraction. But on a first date, putting your phone face-down and out of reach is one of the simplest ways to show respect.

If you absolutely have to check it—say, if you're expecting an urgent call—just be upfront about it. A quick “Hey, just a heads-up—I’m waiting to hear from my kid” is much better than sneakily checking under the table.

Presence is attractive. Distraction is not.

8. Playing it so cool you come off disinterested

You don’t want to seem too eager. So you keep your answers short, avoid eye contact, and nod politely but say very little. After all, no one wants to come off as desperate, right?

But here's the catch: trying too hard to appear “chill” can backfire and make you seem emotionally unavailable.

A date is not the time to perform indifference. If you're enjoying yourself, say so. If something they said made you laugh or think, share that. People are drawn to authenticity—not to people who seem like they'd rather be anywhere else.

A little vulnerability—yes, even on a first date—is what makes the moment memorable. Letting someone see your warmth isn’t needy. It’s human.

Final thoughts

Most of us don’t set out to be awkward, cold, or off-putting on first dates. But under the surface, our nervous habits and hidden insecurities can creep in without us even noticing.

And here’s the thing—I’ve done a few of these myself.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be aware. When we catch these behaviors in ourselves and course-correct, we not only give our dates a better experience—we give ourselves a better shot at real connection.

Because at the end of the day, the best first dates are the ones where both people feel seen, heard, and just a little excited to see each other again.

And that? That’s worth showing up fully for.