7 signs you’ve stopped chasing validation—and started trusting yourself

At some point, we all want to be liked.

To feel seen, appreciated, and understood.

But there’s a moment—quiet but unmistakable—when something shifts. You stop bending. You stop performing. You stop asking for permission.

And you start trusting your own gut.

If you’ve experienced that shift lately, here are seven signs you’re not just hoping others approve—you’re finally learning to back yourself.

Let’s get into it.

1. You no longer over-explain your choices

There’s a very specific kind of freedom in saying “No thanks” without a paragraph after it.

You don’t owe anyone a three-slide presentation on why you skipped the party, changed careers, or decided to take a week offline.

You used to pad your decisions with “I hope that’s okay” or “I just thought it made sense because…”

But now? You trust your reasons—even if nobody else gets them.

This shift might seem small, but it runs deep. Psychologists call it self-determination theory—the ability to act in ways aligned with your own values, not because someone else is pulling the strings.

It means the pressure to justify your path starts to fade. You don’t need to “sell” your choices anymore. You’ve realized that just because someone doesn’t understand your decision doesn’t mean it was the wrong one.

And you also realize that the people who need your every move to make sense to them aren’t necessarily the ones who support your growth.

2. You’re comfortable with being misunderstood

Not everyone will get you—and that’s fine.

Actually, that’s great.

I remember switching to a vegan diet years ago, and the reactions ranged from “Wow, that’s awesome” to “Wait, so you don’t even eat cheese??” Some people got it. Some didn’t. I stopped trying to convince them.

The need to be understood used to run deep in me. I’d explain and re-explain until I felt heard. But after a while, I realized that if someone wants to understand you, they will. And if they don’t, you can’t talk them into it.

This one’s tough because it can feel like rejection. But when you’re anchored in your own values, you stop trying to “fix” someone else’s perception of you. You let it float past.

As researcher Brené Brown has said, “You either walk inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.”

3. You let silence speak for you

You know that moment when someone says something passive-aggressive or dismissive, and instead of defending yourself, you just… pause?

That’s power.

Because when you’re seeking validation, silence feels unbearable. You rush to fill it, to smooth things over, to prove your worth.

But when you trust yourself, you realize you don’t need to correct every false assumption or chase every opinion.

It’s in those moments—when you resist the urge to explain, to clarify, to charm—that you get a taste of real self-trust.

As author Brianna Wiest put it, “True confidence is silent. Insecurity is loud.”

I've tested this more than once—especially during conflict. When you don't scramble to justify or react, people notice. And more importantly, you notice that your sense of self doesn’t crumble in the quiet.

4. You measure progress by your own metrics

You’re no longer looking sideways.

You’ve defined your version of growth, success, rest, and joy—and you’re sticking to it.

I used to compare everything: how fast someone’s career was taking off, how many followers they had, how much they were traveling.

But that comparison game? It’s exhausting. And fake.

Now, I look at different markers: Am I learning? Am I proud of how I handled that situation? Did I move through fear instead of freezing?

These are the metrics that matter.

This is backed by experts like Dr. Kristen Neff, who emphasizes that self-compassion—not self-comparison—is one of the strongest predictors of confidence and well-being.

Validation-seeking tends to tie your self-worth to how you perform relative to others. But when you trust yourself, it’s more about: Am I living in alignment with my values?

Sometimes that means slowing down while the world speeds up—and being okay with that.

5. You say no—even when it’s awkward

Saying yes is easy. Saying no is an art form.

Especially when it risks disappointing someone, or making things weird.

But here’s the thing: validation-chasers say yes to stay liked. Self-trusting people say no to stay aligned.

It takes guts to decline without cushioning it in guilt. To prioritize your energy, your peace, your focus—even if it throws a wrench in someone else’s expectations.

I’ve mentioned this before, but one of the biggest shifts I experienced in my late 30s was learning to say no without apology—and without a 15-minute emotional recovery plan.

You start trusting that your no won’t ruin the relationship. And if it does? That tells you more about the relationship than your boundary ever did.

This doesn’t mean becoming rigid or cold. It means being honest about your limits—and not bending them to keep the peace.

That’s not selfish. That’s self-aware.

6. You no longer crowdsource your self-worth

There’s a difference between seeking advice and outsourcing your entire identity.

You don’t DM five people asking, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?” every time life throws a curveball.

You don’t wait for someone to “like” your dream before you start building it.

Instead, you might journal, take a walk, sit with the decision. You trust that your internal compass is more reliable than the peanut gallery.

As Carl Jung once said, “Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

Trusting yourself doesn’t mean you never ask for input. But the input doesn’t define your next move.

You become your own sounding board, your own validator.

And you learn to live with your decisions—especially the uncomfortable ones—because you know they came from you.

7. You stop trying to be everyone’s favorite

Here’s the truth no one likes to admit: validation is addictive.

Being liked feels good. Getting praise lights up our brains like a pinball machine.

But there’s a line between healthy feedback and performative approval-seeking.

Once you cross that line enough times, you start to feel… hollow. Like you’re editing yourself to fit a script someone else wrote.

So you start doing the opposite.

You take risks. You say the unpopular thing. You dress in what feels good instead of what trends say. You stop worrying about whether you're “too much” or “not enough” and just are.

And people still like you—maybe even more.

But that’s no longer the goal.

This is echoed by psychologist Dr. Tara Brach, who said, “The more we rely on others to approve us, the less we trust ourselves. Freedom begins the moment we no longer need to be someone else’s version of enough.”

When you trust yourself, your energy stops scattering in all directions. You become more focused, more grounded, more you.

And that version of you? It doesn’t need a standing ovation.

The bottom line

Trusting yourself isn’t loud.

It doesn’t come with a big announcement or dramatic life overhaul.

It shows up in the quiet shifts: in the silences you don’t fill, the boundaries you don’t backpedal on, the internal nod that says, “I’ve got me.”

You might still appreciate praise, enjoy compliments, and love a good high five.

But you don’t need them to know you’re on the right path.

And that’s how you know you’re finally free.