You can tell someone has very little empathy if they use these 7 quiet phrases in conversation

Empathy is one of those things that can’t really be faked for long.

You can sense it in someone’s tone, their timing, and the way they respond when you open up about something real.

People who lack empathy often reveal it in subtle ways.

It’s not always through cruel words or obvious indifference. Sometimes it’s through quiet phrases that sound polite on the surface but carry an emotional chill underneath.

If you’ve ever left a conversation feeling a little deflated or unseen, you might have brushed up against one of these.

Here are a few of the quiet cues that often reveal when someone isn’t really tuning in emotionally.

1) “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

This one sounds considerate, doesn’t it? It even includes the word “sorry.” But it’s actually one of the most emotionally distancing phrases out there.

When someone says, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” they’re not acknowledging what you went through. They’re acknowledging how you responded.

It’s a subtle shift that takes responsibility off them and places the focus on your emotions instead.

I remember a time when I confronted a former colleague about repeatedly taking credit for my work. I didn’t want an argument, just an honest conversation. Her response? “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

The moment she said it, I knew the discussion was over. She wasn’t sorry for what happened. She was sorry that I was upset about it.

A truly empathetic person might say something like, “I didn’t realize that happened, and I can see why that would frustrate you.”

That response acknowledges both the experience and the feeling behind it. Empathy validates, not deflects.

2) “It could be worse.”

This one often comes from people who see themselves as “realists.” They think they’re offering perspective, but it usually just minimizes your experience.

If you tell someone you’re struggling and they reply with, “Well, it could be worse,” it shuts down vulnerability instantly. It’s their way of saying, “Your pain doesn’t qualify.”

I’ve heard this phrase more than once when I’ve shared something personal.

Once, when I mentioned feeling burnt out from juggling work and volunteer commitments, someone said, “At least you have a job and a purpose.”

Sure, that’s true, but it didn’t make my exhaustion any less real.

Empathy allows space for someone else’s pain, even when it doesn’t fit a dramatic headline. Saying “That sounds like a lot to handle” connects.

Saying “It could be worse” disconnects.

3) “You’re too sensitive.”

This one is small but powerful. It’s often used as a quick defense when someone feels uncomfortable being held accountable.

People who lack empathy use this phrase to flip the focus back on you. Suddenly, the problem isn’t the hurtful comment they made, it’s your reaction to it.

I’ve seen this dynamic play out in workplaces, families, and friendships. A friend once dismissed another’s feelings by saying, “Oh come on, you’re too sensitive.”

The conversation died there, not because the issue was resolved, but because empathy had left the room.

Empathy doesn’t label emotions as “too much.” It listens, asks questions, and tries to understand where the other person is coming from.

When someone uses this phrase often, it’s a sign they’re more interested in being comfortable than being kind.

4) “That’s just how I am.”

This phrase sounds harmless, even self-aware, but it often hides a refusal to grow. It’s a verbal shrug that says, “I’m not interested in changing, even if my behavior hurts others.”

When someone repeatedly excuses unkind or dismissive actions with “That’s just how I am,” it shows they value their own convenience over your emotional reality.

I once knew a manager who prided himself on being “blunt.” He’d say things that left people deflated, then brush it off with, “That’s just how I am.”

But empathy involves more than honesty; it involves awareness of impact. You can be straightforward and still be kind.

A more thoughtful approach might sound like, “I know I can be blunt sometimes, and I’m working on softening that.”

That’s growth. “That’s just how I am” is stagnation disguised as confidence.

5) “Well, everyone has problems.”

Here’s another quiet phrase that sounds pragmatic but misses the mark completely.

When you open up about something personal and someone responds with “Well, everyone has problems,” they’re essentially saying, “Your issue isn’t worth special attention.”

This phrase can make you feel small, even silly, for sharing something that matters to you.

It’s empathy’s distant cousin, realism, trying to fill the space but failing to comfort.

There’s a difference between perspective and dismissal. Perspective says, “You’re not alone in facing challenges.” Dismissal says, “Your challenges aren’t important.”

Empathy lies in sitting with someone’s pain, not comparing it or brushing it aside.

6) “You’ll get over it.”

Sometimes this one comes from people who genuinely believe they’re being helpful. They want to encourage resilience.

But it often lands as cold reassurance.

When someone says, “You’ll get over it,” it skips straight to the outcome without acknowledging the process. It’s as if they’re saying, “I don’t want to hear about this anymore.”

When I was going through a difficult breakup years ago, I lost count of how many people said that to me. Maybe they thought it was comforting.

But at that moment, I didn’t want to be told I’d get over it. I wanted someone to understand why it hurt.

Empathy doesn’t rush healing. It sits beside you while you’re still tender and says, “That must be really hard right now.”

Sometimes that’s all a person needs to feel less alone.

7) “I told you so.”

Few phrases sting as much as this one. It’s a mix of arrogance and detachment, served with a smile.

When someone says “I told you so,” they’re prioritizing being right over being supportive. It’s not about helping you learn, it’s about reinforcing their own ego.

A truly empathetic person understands that most people already regret their mistakes.

They don’t need it rubbed in. They need understanding and perhaps a bit of humor or encouragement to move forward.

When I first started writing full-time, an old colleague warned me about how unstable freelance life could be. During a slow month, she messaged me with, “I told you so.”

That single comment said more about her need to be right than any concern for my situation.

Empathy says, “That must be tough. How can I support you?” Ego says, “I told you so.”

Final thoughts

Empathy is the quiet art of seeing life through someone else’s eyes. It’s not about fixing or comparing or analyzing.

It’s about noticing, listening, and caring enough to sit in the discomfort with another person for a while.

People who lack empathy often use phrases that sound fine on the surface but reveal a lack of emotional attunement underneath.

They protect themselves from vulnerability by keeping others at a distance.

If you’ve ever caught yourself using one of these phrases, don’t panic. We all do it sometimes, especially when we feel awkward or unsure how to help.

What matters is noticing the pattern and shifting it.

Instead of “I’m sorry you feel that way,” try “I can see how that would be upsetting.”
Instead of “It could be worse,” try “That sounds really hard.”
Instead of “You’ll get over it,” try “I’m here for you while you work through it.”

Empathy grows from awareness, and awareness begins with listening.

The more we practice this, the more we realize how powerful small, caring responses can be.

In a world that moves fast and rewards detachment, genuine empathy feels radical.

And the truth is, it doesn’t require grand gestures. It begins with a pause, a breath, and a willingness to understand before responding.

Because sometimes, the most healing words aren’t clever or impressive. They’re simple. They’re kind. They say, “I see you.”